Sunday Funny's

Juggler
A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a patrolman for a broken blinker. The cop looks into the guys' car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat.

"Sir," the cop says. "Why do you have all those knives?"

"They're for my juggling act," the man says.

"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Prove it." So the man gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives. At the same time, a car with two guys in it drives by.

"Man," says the first guy. "I'm glad I quit drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard."

You Know your out of College When..
1. Your salary is less than your tuition.
2. Your potted plants stay alive.
3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.
4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
5. You have to pay your own credit card bill.
6. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal.
7. You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year.
8. 8:00a.m. is not early.
9. You have to file for your own taxes.
10. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.
11. You're not carded anymore.
12. You carry an umbrella.
13. You learn that "Bachelor" is a nicer term for a jackass.
14. "Extended childhood" only really pertains to your salary, which is a little less than your allowance used to be.
15. "Twenty-something" means over-qualified, under-paid, and not married.
16. Your friends marry instead of hook-up, and divorce instead of break-up.
17. You start watching the weather channel.
18. Jeans and baseball caps aren't staples in your wardrobe.
19. You can no longer take shots, and smoking gives you a sinus attack.
20. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
21. You stop confusing 401K plan with 10K run.
22. You go to parties that the police don't raid.
23. Adults feel comfortable telling jokes about sex in front of you.
24. You don't know what time Wendy's closes anymore.
25. Your car insurance goes down.
26. You refer to college students as kids.
27. You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of beer, bourbon, and rum.




HELL... AS EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into

Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa, during my Freshman year, that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct... leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting, "Oh my God!"

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+

Regular or Premium

When the family car developed a slight knock, the wife asked her husband if he had bought regular or premium gas, but he couldn't remember.

"You probably got the cheaper gas," she said. "That could account for the engine running so rough."

"No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" he replied indignantly.

"Well, how much did it cost?" asked the wife.

"It cost the same as always," said the husband. "I bought the usual ten dollars worth."

Rabbit Humor

What do you call 10 rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hair line.

Move to Strike

A man in a bar stood up and shouted, "Lawyers are Bullies!"

A guy at the other end of the bar shouted back "I move to STRIKE!"

The first guy asked "Are you a lawyer?"

The second guy responded "No, I'm a BULLY!"

Tax Season

Tax day -- April 15 -- was looming when an elderly woman showed up at the IRS. She said she required a thick stack of tax forms. "Why so many?" the clerk asked.

"My son is stationed overseas," she said. "He asked me to pick up forms for the Marines on the base."

"You shouldn't have to do this," the clerk told her. "It's the base commander's job to make sure that his troops have access to the forms they need."

"I know," said the woman. "I'm the base commander's mother."

You Think Your Job's Bad?

Try one of these on for size!

-Nuclear Warhead Sensitivity Technician

-Circus Elephant Clean Up Specialist

-Rotten Sardine Taste Detector

-Assistant To The Boss's Nephew

-Shark Baiter

-Hurricane Photographer

-Director Of Public Relations, Chernobyl Nuclear Facility

-Prison Glee Club President

-Road Kill Removal Crew

Kangaroo Play

Two kangaroos were talking to each other, and one said, "Gee, I hope it doesn't rain today, I hate it when the children play inside."

How to Be Annoying

* Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

* Drum on every available surface.

* Sing the Batman theme constantly.

* Staple papers in the middle of the page.

* Ask 1-800 operators for their home phone number. If they don’t give it to you ask why they are calling YOU at home.

* Sew department store anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.

* Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

* Set alarms for random times.

* Honk and wave to strangers.

* Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.

* Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

* Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

A 21st Century Marriage

I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife. As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.

"I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just ordered our last bunch." The desperate customer turned to me and begged, "May I please have those roses?"

"What happened?" I asked. "Did you forget your wedding anniversary?"

"It's even worse than that," he confided. "I crashed my wife's hard drive!"

America's Unique

- Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

- Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

- Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

- Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

- Only in America... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Weekend Funny's

WoW, They come in different sizes too?!


Baby Delivery

A lady was in the delivery room starting to deliver her baby. As the head came out it was dark and had an afro. The doctor said, "Madam, have you ever slept with a black man?"\
"Well, yes, but only once."
"Once is all it takes" he replied.

Then the torso came out and it was yellow.
"Madam, have you ever slept with an oriental man?"
"Well, yes" she said, "but only once."

"Once is all it takes," he said.
When the legs came out they were red. The doctor asked her if she had ever slept with an Indian.
"Well, yes" she said, "but only once."
"Once is all it takes," he said.

He finally pulled the baby all the way out and held it upside down and slapped its bottom to make it cry. As it started to cry the woman exclaimed "Oh, thank God, at least it doesn't bark!"

Bear Chase

Two guys are out in the woods hiking.

All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them.

The first guy gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on.

The second guy says, "What are you doing?"

The first guy says, "I figure when the bear gets too close, we'll have to jump down and make a run for it."

The second guy says, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear"!

The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you."

New Evidence

The day after a verdict had been entered against his client, the lawyer rushed to the judge's chambers, demanding that the case to be reopened, the lawyer argued: "I have new evidence that makes a huge difference in my client's defense."

Judge: "What new evidence could you have?"

Lawyer: "My client has an extra $10,000 and I just found out about it!"

Program Managers

A lead hardware engineer, a lead software engineer, and their program manager are taking a walk outdoors during their lunch break when they come upon an old brass lamp. They pick it up and dust it off. Poof -- out pops a genie.

"Thank you for releasing me from my lamp-prison. I can grant you 3 wishes. Since there are 3 of you I will grant one wish to each of you."

The hardware engineer thinks a moment and says, "I'd like to be sailing a yacht across the Pacific, racing before the wind, with an all-girl crew."

"It is done", said the Genie, and poof, the hardware engineer disappears.

The software engineer thinks a moment and says, "I'd like to be riding my Harley with a gang of beautiful women throughout the American Southwest."

"It is done", said the Genie, and poof, the software engineer disappears.

The program manager looks at where the other two had been standing and rubs his chin in thought. Then he tells the Genie, "I'd like those two back in the office after lunch."

Jealousy

The guy approached a beautiful looking woman in a mall and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the mall. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why?" she asks.

"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."

Slippery Slopes

Three guys go to a ski lodge. There aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.
In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream last night of getting a hand job!"
The guy on the left wakes up and unbelievably, he's had the same dream too.
Then the guy in the middle wakes up and exclaims, "That's funny, I dreamt that I was skiing!"

Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM, Wake up."

Young Businessman

A young businessman had just started his own business. He'd rented a beautiful office and had it brilliantly decorated. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office.

Wishing to appear busy, the young businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he was working a big deal. He was shouting huge figures and made giant commitments.

Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I'm here to install the phone!"

Isn't It True?

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"

The witness stared out the window as though he hadn't heard the question.

"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question." "Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."

$100 Prayer

A little boy wanted $100 so badly that he prayed for two weeks. But nothing happened; so he decided to write God a letter asking for the money.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to "GOD, USA", they decided to send it to the President. He was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy a $5 bill.

The little boy was delighted with the $5, and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read; "Dear God, Thank you very much for sending me the money.

"However, I noticed that for some reason you had it sent through Washington, DC, and as usual, those guys deducted $95."

This Day in History, January 4th

This Day in History
1493 - Christopher Columbus leaves the New World, ending his first journey.

1847 - Samuel Colt sells his first revolver pistol to the United States government.

1885 - The first successful appendectomy is performed by Dr. William W. Grant.

1896 - Utah became the 45th U.S. state.

1932 - State of siege proclaimed in Honduras

1935 - Fort Jefferson National Monument, Florida established

1935 - Bob Hope 1st heard on network radio as part of "The Intimate Revue"

1936 - Billboard magazine publishes its 1st music hit parade

1942 - Rogers Hornsby is 14th player selected to the Hall of Fame

1944 - World War II: The Battle of Monte Cassino begins in Italy.

1945 - Germans execute resistance fighters in Amsterdam

1945 - US jeep-aircraft carrier Ommaney Bay sinks after kamikaze attack

1951 - Korean War: Chinese and North Korean forces capture Seoul.

1958 - The Soviet satellite Sputknik I fell to the earth from its orbit. The craft had been launched on October 4, 1957.

1961 - Longest recorded strike ends-33 years-Danish barbers' assistants

1962 - 1st automated (unmanned) subway train (New York City NY)

1965 - LBJ's "Great Society" State of the Union Address

1968 - Leo Fender sells Fender Guitars for $13 million

1970 - Walter Cronkite ends hosting weekly documentary

1971 - Ohio agrees to pay $675,000 to relatives of Kent State victims

1971 - Philadelphia's Veteran Stadium dedicated

1974 - Nixon refuses to hand over tapes subpoenaed by Watergate Committee

1975 - Ice thickness measured at 15,669 feet (2.96 miles), Wilkes Land, Antarctica

1980 - President Carter announces US boycott of Moscow Olympics

1982 - Chris Wallace becomes co-anchor of the Today Show

1982 - Bryant Gumbel became co-host of NBC's "Today Show"

1984 - "Night Court" starring Harry Anderson premieres on NBC TV

1989 - Vice Pres. Bush is 1st since Vice Pres.Van Buren to declare himself President

1989 - US F-14s shoot down 2 Libyan jet fighters over Mediterranean

1990 - Deposed Panamanian leader Manuel Noriega was arraigned in U.S. federal district court in Miami on drug-trafficking charges.

1995 - Newt Gingrich (R) becomes speaker of the House

1999 - A drifting Nicaraguan fishing boat was found by the Norwegian oil tanker Joelm. The fisherman had been lost at sea for 35 days after the engine quit working.

1999 - Former professional wrestler Jesse Ventura is sworn in as governor of Minnesota.

2002 - US Army Special Forces Sgt. Ross Chapman (31) was killed by enemy fire near Khost, Afghanistan. He became the 1st US soldier to die there by enemy fire.

2006 - Many American media outlets erroneously report that 12 miners have been found alive in the Sago Mine Disaster, but were later found to be dead.



Famous Birthday’s
1838 - Charles Stratton [General Tom Thumb] (famous short person only 3 ft tall)

1917 - Jesse White Buffalo NY, actor (Maytag Repairman, Bedtime for Bonzo, Million)

1930 - Don Shula, football player/coach(6 Super Bowl wins, 347 career wins)

1935 - Floyd Patterson heavyweight champ (1956-59, 1960-62) (Olympics-gold-1952)

1937 - Dyan Cannon Tacoma WA, Mrs Cary Grant, actress (Heaven Can Wait)

1947 - J Danforth Quayle (Senator-R-IN, 44th Vice President 1989-1993)

1957 - Patty Loveless [Ramey], Pikeville KY, singer (Blue Side of Town)

1963 - Dave Foley actor/comedian (Kids In The Hall, Dave Nelson-NewsRadio)

1966 - Deana Carter country singer (I’m Just a Girl, Strawberry Wine)



Joke of the Day
Sweatshirt or Windbreaker
A girl says to a salesman, "I'm not sure if I should buy a sweatshirt or a windbreaker."
He says, "Well, that depends. Are you gonna sweat, or are you gonna break wind?"

Lost Cookies
After a long, bumpy flight, our passengers were glad to finally land.
They disembarked, and the other attendants and I checked for items left behind.
In a seat pocket, I found a bag of home-made cookies with a note saying, "Much love, Mom."
Quickly, I gave the bag to our gate agent in hopes it would be reunited with its owner.
A few minutes later, an announcement came over the public-address system in the concourse: "Would the passenger who lost his cookies on Flight 502, please return to the gate?"



World Records
Smallest Jet Aircraft
The home-built Bede BD-5J Microjet owned by Juan Jimenez of San Juan, Puerto Rico, USA, weighs 162 kg (358 lb), is 3.7 m (12 ft) long, has a 5.7 m (17 ft) wingspan, and can fly at 483 km/h (300 mph).

Smallest Motorcycle
Tom Wiberg (Sweden) built a motorcycle with a front wheel diameter of 16 mm (0.62 in) and a rear wheel diameter of 22 mm (0.86 in), and rode it for more than 10 m (32.8 ft) in Hökerum, Sweden in 2003. The micro machine has a wheelbase of 80 mm (3.14 in), a seat height of 65 mm (2.55 in), weighs 1.1 kg (2.4 lb) and is powered to a top speed of 2 km/h (1.24 mph) by its 0.22 kW (0.3 hp) engine.

Longest Parade of BMW Cars
A total of 107 BMW coupé cars took part in a parade organised by the BMW Coupé Club Nederland (BCCN) at The Hague, Netherlands, on April 25, 2004.



Wisconsin News
Friday: Partly cloudy. High around 30F. Winds SSW at 10 to 20 mph.

Friday night: Cloudy skies. Low 23F. Winds S at 15 to 25 mph.

Saturday: Cloudy. High 38F. Winds SSW at 10 to 15 mph.

Sunday: Few showers. Highs in the upper 30s and lows in the low 30s.

Monday: Showers possible. Highs in the low 40s and lows in the low 30s.



Sports
Cam canned: Dolphins fire Cameron after 1-15 season
DAVIE, Fla. -- Unlike his boss, Bill Parcells didn't need to go to Costa Rica. He stayed right at home and decided Cam Cameron had to go, along with just about everyone else on the Miami Dolphins. A year ago Thursday, Dolphins owner Wayne Huizenga embarked on a two-week coaching search that took him as far as Central America to interview at least a dozen candidates. Now the Dolphins are starting over.
Cameron was fired Thursday after winning only one game in his first year as an NFL head coach. The move means Miami will have its fifth coach in five seasons.
Such instability has contributed to the Dolphins' decline. This season they lost their first 13 games and finished 1-15, the worst record in franchise history.
Late last month, they brought in Parcells to run the organization. He hired Jeff Ireland as general manager this week, and they fired most of the coaching staff Thursday.
"They were struggling on both sides of the ball," Ireland said. "Looking at it from afar, we've just got to put the right person in place." Parcells made the decision to fire Cameron in consultation with Ireland, who spent the last seven years in player personnel with the Dallas Cowboys. Parcells, the Cowboys' coach in 2003-06, may tap the Dallas pipeline again. The early front-runner to replace Cameron is Cowboys assistant head coach Tony Sparano, who is scheduled to interview Friday for the head coaching vacancy in Atlanta. All but two members of Cameron's coaching staff were also fired, although some might be rehired by the new head coach, Ireland said. Retained were assistant special teams coach Steve Hoffman and linebackers coach George Edwards.
Cameron was under contract through 2010. A perceived difference in philosophy with the new regime ranked as a bigger factor in his firing than Miami's 1-15 record, Ireland said.
"We just felt in order to move forward and not look back, we needed someone in place who shared the same philosophical compatibilities we shared," Ireland said. "We didn't really know the guy that well. We were going to try to get someone that does share those things, and we weren't completely sold that he did."

Cowboys' Roy Williams added to NFC Pro Bowl roster
IRVING, Texas -- Dallas Cowboys strong safety Roy Williams was added to the NFC Pro Bowl roster Thursday in place of the late Sean Taylor, the Washington safety voted in as a starter. The NFL also said that Cowboys free safety Ken Hamlin, a first-time Pro Bowler, will replace Taylor as the starter in Hawaii. "I appreciate being the first alternate to go," said Williams, who is going to the Pro Bowl for the fifth straight year. "We are going to do something special for Sean and his family."
Williams wouldn't elaborate on the plans to honor Taylor, who died Nov. 27 after being shot during a burglary at his home in Florida. Williams' addition to the NFC squad gives the Cowboys an NFL record 12 players going to the Pro Bowl. Williams received the fourth-most votes for safeties behind Taylor, Minnesota's Darren Sharper and Hamlin. Sharper was voted in as the starting strong safety.



Wisconsin News
FDL Restaurant Workers Hold Winning Lottery Ticket
FOND DU LAC - Eighteen restaurant workers hold the $1 million ticket from the state lottery's Holiday Millions raffle drawing on New Years Day.
The group includes waitresses, bartenders, cooks and others from Friar Tuck's Restaurant in Fond du Lac. They're having a court order drawn up listing all 18 as prize winners.
The winning ticket was purchased on the lucky "Miracle Mile" in Fond du Lac at Ma and Pa's Grocery Express. Ten players each won $100,000 and 500 people each won $1,000.

Packers Purchase Three More Properties
GREEN BAY -- A company working with the Green Bay Packers has purchased three more properties west of Lambeau Field.
The firm, 1177 Lombardi LLC, spent nearly $4.8 million to acquire three parcels covering nearly seven acres, according to Brown County records. Current businesses on the sites include Pomp's Tire, U.S. Bank and Big Lots. With these purchases, companies working with the Packers have acquired 10 parcels for nearly $20 million. In some cases, such as with the Kmart site, the existing businesses have leases allowing them to operate for several years.
Jason Wied, Packers Vice-President of Administration says all three businesses have current leases which will be honored. As FOX 11 first reported in November, the Packers are working with private developers to acquire land west of the stadium for future development. However, no specific projects have been announced.

Berlin teen gets jail for cutting Internet service
WISCONSIN RAPIDS, Wis. - A teen accused of hacking into a computer system and shutting down Internet access to Marshfield for 18 hours has been sentenced to a 90-day jail term.
Shaun Lancaster, 18, of Berlin was granted work release privileges as part of his jail sentence on a charge of entering a computer system and causing damage.
He also was ordered to serve three years probation and pay restitution of just under $6,000.
The criminal complaint said Lancaster attempted last April 25 to gain access to a control console interface at a Solarus computer system station in Marshfield. The first attempt failed, but an attempt two minutes later was successful.
When he turned off a router controlling Internet for customers in the Marshfield area, the system went down for about 18 hours and also sustained damage.
In sentencing Lancaster last month, Circuit Judge Edward Zappen Jr. ordered that Lancaster undergo any counseling that is deemed necessary.

Former Governor Lee Dreyfus dead at 81
MADISON, Wis. - Former Governor Lee Sherman Dreyfus has died. He was 81.
His son, Lee Dreyfus Junior, says his father died at home in Waukesha last night while watching TV. The former governor was elected in 1978, upsetting Congressman Bob Kasten in the Republican primary and then defeating acting Governor Martin Schreiber in the general election. He served one 4-year term. Dreyfus was chancellor at UW-Stevens Point before resigning to run for governor. The state's 40th governor began wearing a trademark red vest when he was at Stevens Point because it was easy for students to recognize him.



News
Woman says she saw men taunt tiger before attack
SAN FRANCISCO - There is a new claim that the young men who were mauled by a tiger at the San Francisco Zoo were taunting animals before the attack.
A woman tells the San Francisco Chronicle she was at the zoo with her husband and children and watched the young men roaring at the lions shortly before the tiger attack. Jennifer Miller says her kids were upset by the behavior, so the family walked away.
But, she says the teen who was killed by the tiger wasn't taking part in the teasing.
Police say they haven't been able to corroborate reports of taunting. They're investigating whether alcohol played a role in the Christmas Day attack, which left the one teen dead and his two friends seriously injured. They say they found an empty vodka bottle in the men's car.
The surviving victims' attorney says there is no evidence they did anything to set off the big cat. The zoo is set to reopen today. The tiger enclosure will remain closed indefinitely.

Chicago officer who cheated drug dealers gets 25 year sentence
CHICAGO - A former Chicago police officer is facing 25 years in jail for ripping off drug dealers and funneling narcotics into the city's streets.
Broderick Jones admitted being the leader of a band of officers involved in the operation. He pleaded guilty to getting information about where drugs were stashed and leading fellow officers in mock raids to confiscate the drugs. The officers would then turn the drugs over to other dealers instead of turning them in and arresting the dealers.
Jones, who's already been behind bars for three years, asked the judge for mercy, saying he prays every night that God will "take the greed out" of his heart.
The judge, while sentencing Jones, said he and his fellow officers "essentially raped and plundered entire neighborhoods," and that Jones should be severely punished for violating his oath to uphold the law.

Toyota overtakes Ford as US 2nd biggest
DETROIT - Toyota Motor Corp. overtook Ford Motor Co. to become the No. 2 automaker by U.S. sales in 2007, using new products and relentless strategy to break Ford's 75-year lock on the position. Toyota sold 2.62 million cars and trucks in 2007, which amounted to 48,226 more than Ford, according to sales figures released Thursday. Toyota's sales were up 3 percent for the year, buoyed by new products like the Toyota Tundra pickup, which saw sales jump 57 percent. Ford's sales fell 12 percent to 2.572 million vehicles.
General Motors Corp. remained the U.S. sales leader, selling 3.82 million vehicles in 2007. But that was down 6 percent from the previous year as customers turned away from some large sedans and sport utility vehicles and GM cut low-profit sales to employees and rental car agencies. GM's car sales fell 8 percent for the year while truck sales were down 4 percent.
Overall, the year was expected to be the worst for the auto industry since 1998 as consumers fretted over high gas prices, falling home prices and the economy.

This Day in History, January 3rd

Hillbilly National Guard
This Day in History
1496 - Leonardo da Vinci tested his flying machine. The test didn't succeed and he didn't try to fly again for several years.

1777 - George Washington defeats British at Battle of Princeton, New Jersey

1861 - Delaware legislature rejects proposal to join Confederacy

1865 - Con Orem & Hugh O'Neill box 193 rounds before darkness ends match

1870 - Brooklyn Bridge construction begins; completed May 24, 1883

1920 - The Boston Red Sox sell Babe Ruth to the N.Y. Yankees for a sum of $125,000

1924 - English explorer Howard Carter discovers the sarcophagus of King Tut

1925 - Benito Mussolini announces he is taking dictatorial powers over Italy.

1938 - The March of Dimes is established by Franklin D. Roosevelt, for Polio.

1943 - 1st missing persons telecast (New York City NY)

1944 - Top Marine ace MAJ Boyington captured after shooting down 28 aircraft.

1945 - Admiral Chester W Nimitz is placed in command of all U.S. Naval forces in preparation for planned assaults against Iwo Jima, Okinawa and Japan itself.

1947 - Proceedings of the U.S. Congress are televised for the first time.

1952 - "Dragnet" with Jack Webb premieres on NBC TV

1957 - Hamilton Watch Company introduces the first electric watch.

1959 - Alaska is admitted as the 49th U.S. state.

1961 - The United States severs diplomatic relations with Cuba.

1961 - The SL-1, a government-run reactor near Idaho Falls, Idaho, leaks radiation, killing three workers.

1962 - Pope John XXIII excommunicates Fidel Castro.

1967 - Carl Wilson of the Beach Boys is indicted for draft evasion

1969 - John Lennon's "2 Virgins" album declared pornographic in New Jersey

1973 - George Steinbrenner III buys Yankees from CBS for $12 million

1977 - Lindy McDaniel retires with 2nd most pitching appearances (987 games)

1980 - Gold hits record $634 an ounce

1983 - Tony Dorsett sets NFL record with 99-yard rush, Dallas vs Minnesota

1984 - Syria frees captured US pilot after appeal from Jesse Jackson

1987 - Rock & Roll Hall of Fame inducts 1st female artist Aretha Franklin

1988 - Margaret Thatcher becomes longest-serving British PM this century

1990 - Ousted Panamanian leader Manuel Noriega surrendered to U.S. forces, 10 days after taking refuge in the Vatican's diplomatic mission.

1992 - 32 Cubans defect to the US via helicopter

1995 - The U.S. Postal Service raised the price of the first-class stamp to 32 cents.

1997 - Bryant Gumbel signed off for the last time as host of NBC's "Today" show.

2000 - Charles M. Schulz's final original daily comic strip appeared in newspapers.

2003 - US announced increased military operations in Somalia and prepared to send Marines there. It was suspected that Al Qaeda fighters might attempt fleeing to Somalia.

2004 - NASA's Spirit rover landed on Mars. The craft was able to send back black and white images three hours after landing.



Famous Birthday’s
1918 - Maxene Andrews Minnesota, singer (Andrew Sisters-Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy)

1921 - John Russell Los Angeles CA, actor (Pale Rider, Rio Bravo)

1932 - Coo Coo Marlin, Nascar race car driver, 51 Top Tens (Died in 2005 of lung cancer)

1946 - John Paul Jones rocker (Led Zeppelin-Stairway to Heaven)

1956 - Mel Gibson Peekskill NY, actor (Mad Max, Lethal Weapon, Braveheart)

1969 - Michael Schumacher, Formula One race car driver(7 time Champion, 91 wins)



Famous Death’s
1967 - Jack Ruby, who shot Lee Harvey Oswald before he could be tried for the assassination of President John Kennedy, died in the hospital at age 55.

1979 - Conrad Hilton US founder (Hilton Hotels), dies at 91



Joke of the Day
The Power of Women
There were 11 people - ten men and one woman - hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter.
They all decided that one person should get off, because if they didn't, the rope would break and everyone would die.
No one could decide who should go, so finally, the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving in to men, and not receiving anything in return.
When she finished speaking, all the men started clapping.

Unpaid Bill
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money.
The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one."
The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."



World Records
Longest Motorcycle
The record for the longest motorcycle is 31.5 feet and was achieved by Oleg Rogov (Russia) in Tver (Russia) on December 19, 2005.

Longest Motorcycle Ride Through a Tunnel of Fire
Stephen Brown (UK) rode a motorcycle through a tunnel of fire 51 m (167.3 ft) long at Knockhill Racing Circuit, near Dunfermline, Fife, Scotland, on August 7, 2003.

Most aircraft flown in as a passenger
By July 2004, Edwin A Shackleton (UK) had flown in a total of 806 different types of aircraft. His first flight was in 1943.



Wisconsin Weather
Thursday: Partly cloudy skies with gusty winds. High 23F. Winds SSW at 20 to 30 mph. Winds could occasionally gust over 40 mph.

Thursday night: A few clouds. Low around 15F. Winds SW at 15 to 25 mph.

Friday: Partly cloudy skies. High 31F. Winds SSW at 5 to 10 mph.

Saturday: Occasional showers possible. Highs in the mid 30s and lows in the low 30s.

Sunday: Occasional showers possible. Highs in the low 40s and lows in the low 30s.



Sports
(6) USC Trojans 49, (13) Illinois Fighting Illini 17
PASADENA, Calif. -- This would have been a perfect Rose Bowl for the USC Trojans, except for the one part they couldn't control. They couldn't pick their opponent.
The sixth-ranked Trojans routed Illinois 49-17 on Tuesday and showed the rest of the country that, yes, maybe they are the best team in college football right now.
Certainly, a better test could have come against Georgia or Virginia Tech, or maybe next week against Ohio State in the national title game. But the Rose Bowl wanted a Pac-10-Big Ten matchup, and the national title game didn't want Southern California. So, it wound up being USC-Illinois in the Granddaddy of 'Em All, and the Trojans made the Illini pay.
"I would love to play one more," defensive lineman Sedrick Ellis said. "I don't think any team in the NCAA could beat us right now. Not Ohio, not LSU."
Freshman tailback Joe McKnight finished with 170 of USC's Rose Bowl-record 633 yards. The 49 points tied a record, too, and the blowout gave the Trojans 11 wins for an unprecedented sixth straight season. They have arguably been the country's best team over that span, and might have been the best this season, too.

5,000 more tickets available for Packers playoff pep rally
The first 10,000 free tickets for the Green Bay Packers’ playoff eve pep rally at Lambeau Field have been snapped up, but the team is making 5,000 more tickets available.
The event will be from 6 to 9 p.m. Jan. 11. The Packers host an NFC divisional playoff game at 3:30 p.m. Jan. 12. “The response has been remarkable,” said Bill Hawker, the Packers' manager of corporate sales, in a statement released by the team.
“We passed the 10,000 mark at about noon today, so we made more available. We’ve had strong pickup here in Green Bay, obviously, but Ticketmaster reports that fans from all over the state, and from out of state, have been ordering tickets, too.
The pep rally will take place in Lambeau Field’s north end zone stands. Packers chairman Bob Harlan, president- and CEO-elect Mark Murphy and Packers alumni including Frank Winters and Jerry Kramer are among those scheduled to attend.
There also will be live music and giveaways, including tickets to the Jan. 12 playoff game, an Ariens snow blower and autographed Packers memorabilia. The evening will conclude with a fireworks show at 9 p.m. Concessions will be available.
The pep rally will be televised from 7 to 8 p.m. on WFRV (Channel 5, Green Bay) and the Packers' statewide TV network. The Packers’ flagship radio station, WTMJ-AM of Milwaukee, also will provide a live broadcast.



Wisconsin News
The Miracle Mile has produced yet another millionaire
The winning $1 million ticket in Tuesday's Holiday Millions Raffle was sold at Ma and Pa's in Fond du Lac, the Wisconsin lottery said.
The so-called "Miracle Mile" is a stretch in downtown Fond du Lac that has been unusually lucky for lottery players. One store there sold a $208.6 million Powerball ticket in 2006, and several other stores sold multimillion-dollar tickets in the 1990s. For Tuesday's million-dollar raffle, the state planned to sell a maximum of 500,000 tickets at $10 apiece. The grand prize was $1 million, while 10 players each won $100,000, and 500 people each won $1,000.
If all 500,000 tickets sold, the odds of winning the top prize would have been two in a million. But those chances improved by a factor of 1.4 since only 368,477 tickets were sold.
The winning ticket was identified by its unique six-digit number - 300142.
The $208.6 million Powerball ticket from 2006 was sold at a convenience store called Ma and Pa's Grocery Express in Fond du Lac. It wasn't immediately clear whether that was the same Ma and Pa's that sold Tuesday's raffle winner.
A message left with the state lottery office by The Associated Press wasn't immediately returned Tuesday night, and calls to multiple Ma and Pa's stores in the area rang unanswered.

High speed chase on U.S. 41 reaches 100 mph
GREEN BAY — A high-speed chase on U.S. 41 topped 100 mph before the suspects wiped out near U.S. 141 and fled on foot before police caught them Wednesday.
The suspects, two boys who were on a work detail under the supervision of Rawhide Boys Ranch near New London, have been jailed and face charges stemming from the chase. Authorities also say the car they were driving was stolen on Papermaker Drive in Kimberly.
Lt. Ray Lee of Fox Valley Metro Police said the car was reported missing about 11:45 a.m., after it had been left running in the driveway of a home. A Brown County Sheriff’s Department deputy tried to stop the car, which was headed north on U.S. 41, about 12:55 p.m. near the Brown-Oconto counties line after motorists reported it was being driven recklessly.
The driver led police on an eight-mile chase at speeds in excess of 100 mph before crossing into the southbound lane and crashing.
The suspects abandoned the vehicle and fled on foot, and were seen running across Pine Acres Golf Course in Abrams. Deputies and state troopers captured the boys about 1:25 p.m.

739 die in traffic accidents in 2007 in Wisconsin
The state Department of Transportation says 739 people died in traffic crashes on Wisconsin roads and highways in 2007.
That's up slightly from a year ago when crashes killed 712 people but still significantly below the 5-year average of 788 fatalities. According to preliminary reports, the deaths last year included 111 motorcycle riders, or 18 more than in 2006.
The fewest traffic fatalities in Wisconsin in modern times occurred in 1992, with 645 deaths.
So far, 2008 is off to a much safer start than 2007. The Transportation Department reports there has been one traffic fatality as of Wednesday morning, compared with seven at the same time a year ago.



News
Oil Futures Rise to $100 a Barrel
Crude oil prices briefly soared to $100 a barrel Wednesday for the first time, reaching that milestone amid an unshakeable view that global demand for oil and petroleum products will outstrip supplies. Surging economies in China and India fed by oil and gasoline have sent prices soaring over the past year, while tensions in oil producing nations like Nigeria and Iran have increasingly made investors nervous and invited speculators to drive prices even higher.
Violence in Nigeria helped give crude the final push to $100. Bands of armed men invaded Port Harcourt, the center of Nigeria's oil industry Tuesday, attacking two police stations and raiding the lobby of a major hotel. Word that several Mexican oil export ports were closed due to rough weather added to the gains, as did a report that OPEC may not be able to meet its share of global oil demand by 2024. Oil prices are within the range of inflation-adjusted highs set in early 1980. Depending on how the adjustment is calculated, $38 a barrel then would be worth $96 to $103 or more today. The White House on Wednesday said it would not release oil from the nation's strategic reserves to drive prices lower. "This president would not use the (Strategic Petroleum Reserve) to manipulate (prices) unless there was a true emergency," said White House press secretary Dana Perino.
As of early November, the Strategic Petroleum Reserve contained 694 million barrels of oil. The government is working to fill it to its 727 million barrel capacity.

Letterman, Leno return Wednesday night
NEW YORK - The return of TV's late-night funnymen after a two-month strike hiatus turned into a bizarre mix of picketing and presidential politics Wednesday as Mike Huckabee headed for Jay Leno's show and Hillary Clinton turned to David Letterman.
Clinton was to join comic Robin Williams as Letterman's first guests, according to a CBS executive close to the show who spoke on condition of anonymity. Clinton taped her appearance on Letterman from Cedar Rapids, Iowa, earlier Wednesday.
Meanwhile, GOP hopeful Huckabee appeared confused over which of the two late-night hosts had reached a separate deal with the union representing striking TV and movie writers.
Huckabee said he supports the writers and did not think he would be crossing a picket line, because he believed the writers had made an agreement to allow late-night shows on the air. That's not the case with Leno, and pickets outside Leno's Burbank, Calif., studio targeted Huckabee. "Huckabee is a scab," read one picket sign. A "Tonight" show spokeswoman said Huckabee was still booked for the appearance on the eve of the Iowa caucus.
Letterman and fellow CBS host Craig Ferguson struck deals to allow writers to come back to work on Wednesday. NBC's Leno and Conan O'Brien and ABC's Jimmy Kimmel were back at work Wednesday without writers. Writers also picketed outside of the Rockefeller Center studio where O'Brien tapes his show each night. Comics Bob Saget and Dwayne Perkins and musicians Robert Gordon and Chris Spedding were O'Brien's first-night guests.
The picketing writers said they were hoping to encourage people not to appear on the shows where writers weren't working. Michael Winship, president of the Writers Guild of America East, said he expected Letterman's "Late Show" to be a "bully pulpit" for striking writers and their issues. Leno's staff writers, who regularly picket at one of the gates to NBC studios, did not show up on Wednesday. Writers insist they're demonstrating against NBC, not against Leno. "Probably Jay Leno understands." Besides depriving the nation of punch lines, the two months of reruns have been devastating for the networks — particularly NBC.

This Day in History, January 2nd

This Day in History
1788 - Georgia became the 4th state to ratify the U.S. Constitution.

1872 - Brigham Young, the 71-year-old leader of the Mormon Church, was arrested on a charge of bigamy. He had 25 wives.

1890 - Record 19'2" alligator shot in Louisiana by E A McIlhenny

1903 - President T Roosevelt shuts down post office in Indianola MI, for refusing to accept its appointed postmistress because she was black

1923 - Ku Klux Klan surprise attack on black residential area Rosewood FL, 8 killed (compensation awarded in 1995)

1929 - Canada and the United States agree on a plan to preserve Niagara Falls.

1935 - Bruno Hauptmann goes on trial for the murder of Charles Lindbergh, Jr., infant.

1941 - World War II: The U.S. government announces its Liberty ship program with a stated goal of building 200 freighters. Over 2,700 ships will eventually be constructed by the end of the war.

1942 - World War II: Manila is captured by Japanese forces.

1942 - The United States Navy opens a blimp base at Lakehurst, New Jersey.

1944 - 1st use of helicopters during warfare (British Atlantic patrol)

1953 - "The Life of Riley" debuted on NBC-TV.

1960 - Senator John F Kennedy, announces his candidacy for President

1960 - John Reynolds sets age of solar system at 4,950,000,000 years

1965 - Joe Namath signed the richest rookie contract ($400,000) in the history of pro football

1966 - Green Bay Packers beat Cleveland Browns 23-12 in NFL championship game.

1968 - Dr. Christian Barnard performed the first successful heart transplant.

1969 - Operation Barrier Reef began in Mekong Delta, Vietnam

1971 - In U.S., a federally imposed ban on television cigarette advertisements went into effect.

1974 - Richard Nixon signs a bill lowering the maximum US speed limit to 55 MPH in order to conserve gasoline during an OPEC embargo. The speed limits were abolished in 1995

1979 - Sid Vicious' trial for murder of girlfriend Nancy Spingen begins

1983 - The final edition of Garry Trudeau's comic strip, "Doonesbury", appeared in 726 newspapers. "Doonesbury" began running again in September 1984.

1983 - The musical "Annie" closed on Broadway at the Uris Theatre after 2,377 perf’s.

1985 - The Rebels of UNLV beat Utah State in three overtime periods. The final score of 142-140 set a new NCAA record for total points in a basketball game (282). The game took over three hours to play.

1996 - AT&T announced that it would eliminate 40,000 jobs over three years.

1999 - A brutal snowstorm smashes into the Midwestern United States, causing 14 inches of snow at Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and 19 inches at Chicago, where temperatures plunge to -13̊F (-25̊C); 68 deaths are reported.

2004 - Stardust successfully flies past Comet Wild 2, collecting samples that it will return to Earth two years later.

2006 - An explosion in a coal mine leads to the death of 12 of 13 miners in the 2006 Sago Mine disaster in West Virginia.



Famous Birthday’s
1936 - Roger Miller, country singer (King of the Road, Dang Me, Chug-a-Lug)D. 1992

1939 - Jim Bakker televangelist (PTL Club)/philanderer (Jessica Hahn)

1952 - Ricky Van Shelton Grit VA, country singer (Wild-Eyed Dream)

1965 - Diane Lane New York City, NY, actress (Streets of Fire, Lonesome Dove)

1966 - Tia Carrere [Althea Janairo], Honolulu, actress (Wayne's World 1&2, True Lies)

1968 - Cuba Gooding Jr actor (Jerry McGuire, A Few Good Men, Radio, Men of Honor)

1969 - Tommy Morrison, boxer/actor & John Wayne’s Grandnephew(Rocky V)

1983 - Kate Bosworth, actress(Remember the Titans, Blue Crush, Superman Returns)



Famous Death’s
1974 - Tex Ritter country singer/actor (5 Star Jubilee, The Devils Trail), dies at 67

1990 - Alan Hale Jr actor(Skipper(Jonas Grumby)-Gilligan's Island), dies of cancer at 71



Joke of the Day
Jogging Shoes
Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store.
While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it. "What's this little pocket thing here on the side for?"
"Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you've figured out joggings not for you"

Misbehaving Phone Call
Seven year old Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.
Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that John was misbehaving.
"Wait a minute," she said. "I had Johnny here for two months and I never called you once when he misbehaved."



World Records
Largest Parade of Mopeds
A parade of 341 mopeds (motorcycles with an engine capacity of 50 cc or 3.05 cu in and below) travelled from Yerseke to Wemeldinge, The Netherlands, on June 23, 2003 at an event arranged by the Etten-Leurse Bromfietsvrienden.

Largest Parade of Yamaha Motorcycles
A total of 206 Yamaha motorcycles (all TDM models) took part in a parade organised by TDMitalia at Santamonica International racetrack at Misano Adriatico, Italy, on July 19, 2003, as part of the Yamaha Fest 2003.



Wisconsin Weather
Wednesday: Intervals of clouds and sunshine. Cold. High 14F. Winds WNW at 10 to 15 mph.

Wednesday night: A few clouds. Low 2F. Winds W at 5 to 10 mph.

Thursday: Sunshine and clouds mixed. High 23F. Winds SSW at 10 to 20 mph.

Friday: Considerable cloudiness. Highs in the upper 20s and lows in the mid 20s.

Saturday: Occasional showers possible. Highs in the upper 30s and lows in the low 30s.



Sports
(16) Tennessee Titans 21, (18) Wisconsin Badgers 17
TAMPA, Fla. -- Erik Ainge ensured No. 16 Tennessee wouldn't leave the Outback Bowl with another disappointing loss. Capping a roller coaster career, the Volunteers star threw for 365 yards and two touchdowns Tuesday to pace a 21-17 victory that stopped No. 18 Wisconsin from joining Michigan as the only Big Ten teams to beat Southeastern Conference opponents in bowl games three consecutive seasons.
A month after having an interception returned for the winning score in a 21-14 loss to LSU in the SEC championship game, Ainge completed 25 of 43 passes without a turnover to win MVP honors and help the Vols (10-4) erase unpleasant memories of a 10-point loss to Penn State in last year's Outback game. Antonio Wardlow sealed Tennessee's first 10-win season since 2004 when he intercepted Tyler Donovan's deep throw intended for Paul Hubbard in the end zone in the final minute. The Vols also thwarted another fourth-quarter drive by stopping Wisconsin on downs at the Tennessee 10. Receiver Gerald Jones took a direct snap from center and scored on a 3-yard run, then Ainge tossed TD passes of 29 yards to Josh Briscoe and 31 yards to Brad Cottam to help Tennessee build a 21-7 lead.
Donovan's 4-yard TD throw to Andy Crooks trimmed Wisconsin's deficit to 21-14 at the half. The Badgers then pulled within four points on Taylor Mehlhaff's 27-yard field goal in the closing seconds of the third quarter. The Wisconsin quarterback shrugged off several big hits, including helmet-to-helmet contact when he dove into the end zone on a 6-yard first-quarter run, to help Wisconsin (9-4) stay close by completing 14 of 24 passes for 155 yards.
Both teams rebounded from tough stretches that ruined any hopes they had of contending for the national title to finish the regular season with nine victories.
Tennessee lost two of its first three games before winning eight of nine to earn a berth in the SEC championship game, where the Vols lost to LSU.
Wisconsin started 5-0 before losses at Illinois and Penn State dropped the Badgers out of the Top 25. A lopsided loss at Ohio State eliminated any chance of winding up in the Rose Bowl, but the team regrouped to beat Michigan and Minnesota to head to Tampa for its fourth consecutive appearance in a January bowl.
The Badgers beat Auburn and Arkansas in the Capital One Bowl the previous two years and would have become just the second Big Ten program to beat SEC opponents in three straight bowl games.



Wisconsin News
Packer Fan Wears Favre Jersey Every Day For 4 Years
GREEN BAY - An 11-year-old Connecticut boy says he’s worn his Brett Favre jersey every day since 2003. David Witthoft received the jersey as a Christmas gift and says he’d like to keep wearing it as long as he can fit it over his head.
But the boy thinks one more growth spurt will probably force him to call it quits.
Once he outgrows his beloved jersey, David hopes to either frame it or send it to the Packers’ Hall of Fame. Witthoft and his family were in Green Bay Sunday to watch the Packers’ season finale against the Detroit Lions.

New laws take effect in Wisconsin today
MADISON, Wis. - It's the first of the year and a bunch of new laws take effect today.
Cigarettes go up $1 per pack -- an effort to motivate people to quit and bring in more money for the state. Wisconsin's tax of $1.77 per pack will become the 12th highest in the country.
Also today, the price for a regular driver's license increases by $10.
It will also cost more to title and register a vehicle. The title fee more than doubles from $24.50 to $53. And the registration fee for a car jumps from $55 to $75.
The estate tax, also referred to as the death tax, will end. And there's the filmmakers favorite -- a tax credit of 25% of the wages paid to employees to produce a film, video, electronic game, broadcast advertisement, or television production in Wisconsin.

Inmate escapes from jail after switching wristbands with another
MILWAUKEE - Milwaukee County Sheriff David Clarke is fuming after deputies were duped into allowing an inmate out of jail.
Nineteen-year-old Jaron Jennings was being held at the Milwaukee County Jail on a misdemeanor charge of resisting or obstructing an officer.
Yesterday he switched wristbands with a fellow inmate, which enabled him to post bail and walk out. He's still at large. Clarke calls wristband switching 1 of the oldest tricks in the book. Yet he says there are people in his organization dumb enough to fall for it.
The sheriff says the officials responsible for the oversight won't be working there after he finishes his investigation. The wristbands have the inmates' photos on them. Clarke says that should have helped deputies notice the switch.
The bands are supposed to be secured tightly enough that inmates can't remove them.

Wanted Man Turns Himself In
EAGLE RIVER - The search for a man wanted in Vilas County in connection with a drug investigation ended today when the suspect turned himself in.
The suspect, 44 year old Kevin Gene Bodamer was wanted in connection with marijuana found growing in a home in the Township of Cloverland.
According to a press release, Vilas County deputies found several marijuana plants, processed marijuana that was ready to be sold and several weapons when they raided the home on a search warrant on December 21st.



News
Denver Woman, Girl Killed By Single Bullet On New Year's Day
DENVER -- An 11-year-old girl and a woman were killed by a single bullet fired into a home from hundreds of yards away early Tuesday, possibly by a New Year's reveler, police said. Police spokesman Sonny Jackson said the bizarre shooting, which came shortly after midnight, may have been accidental. No arrests had been made, but investigators said they did not believe a sniper was on the loose. The victims' names had not been released. It wasn't immediately known if they were related. Police said the pair were at a party with about 10 other people when at least one shot was fired from up to 300 yards away, possibly from across a park next to the home. Jackson said one bullet went through the front wall of the house, passed through the head of the woman, who was seated, and struck the girl in the side.
Jackson said investigators traced the trajectory of the shot to determine that the single bullet killed both victims. A second bullet was found in a snowbank in front of the home.
The woman died at the scene and the girl was pronounced dead at a hospital.

FBI makes new bid to find 1971 skyjacker
PORTLAND, Ore. - The FBI is taking another shot at identifying the mysterious skyjacker who became known as D.B. Cooper. He bailed out of an airliner in 1971 and vanished.
The agency has released new details that it hopes will jog someone's memory.
A man calling himself Dan Cooper boarded a Northwest flight in Portland, Oregon, for a flight to Seattle on the night of November 24th, 1971, and commandeered the plane, claiming he had dynamite. In Seattle, he demanded and got $200,000 and four parachutes and demanded to be flown to Mexico. Somewhere over southwestern Washington, he jumped out the plane's tail exit with 2 of the chutes.
Yesterday, the FBI released drawings that it said probably are close to what Cooper looked like, along with a map of areas where Cooper might have landed.
Several people have claimed to be Cooper over the years but were dismissed on the basis of physical descriptions, parachuting experience and, later, by DNA evidence recovered in 2001 from the cheap tie the skyjacker left on the plane. In 1980, a boy walking near the Columbia River found $5,800 of the stolen money, in tattered $20 bills. "Maybe a hydrologist can use the latest technology to trace the $5,800 in ransom money found in 1980 to where Cooper landed upstream," Carr said. "Or maybe someone just remembers that odd uncle."

New England to get heavy snow; Michigan, Ohio in the dark
DETROIT - Up to a foot of snow is expected in New England by today.
That's down from 18 inches forecasters had predicted but still worrisome for residents in parts of Maine, New Hampshire and Vermont.
Meanwhile, utility officials in Michigan say scattered power failures are affecting more than 36,000 homes and businesses. A blustery winter storm dumped 10 to 16 inches of snow in three counties north of Detroit. A Weather Service meteorologist says it was the region's heaviest New Year's Day snowstorm on record. In northeast Ohio, the storm is blamed for blacking out 10,000 customers, mainly in areas east of Cleveland. The Weather Service says wind has gusted higher than 50 miles per hour at a Cleveland airport.

This Day in History, January 1st, 2008 Happy New Years!

This Day in History
45 B.C. - New Year's Day was celebrated on Jan. 1 for the first time as the Julian calendar took effect.

1797 - Albany became the capital of New York state, replacing New York City.

1808 - The U.S. prohibited import of slaves from Africa.

1840 - The first recorded bowling match was recorded in the U.S.

1853 - 1st practical fire engine (horse-drawn) in US enters service

1862 - 1st US income tax (3% of incomes > $600, 5% of incomes > $10,000)

1863 - U.S. President Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, which declared that all slaves in the rebel states were free.

1892 - Ellis Island Immigrant Station formally opened in New York.

1898 - Manhattan, the Bronx, Brooklyn, Queens and Staten Island were consolidated into a single city, New York City.

1902 - The first Tournament of Roses (later the Rose Bowl) collegiate football game was played in Pasadena, CA. University of Michigan beat Stanford, 49-0

1907 - President Theodore Roosevelt shakes a record 8,513 hands in 1 day

1908 - 1st time, ball signifying new year dropped at Times Square

1926 - The Rose Bowl was carried coast to coast on network radio for the first time.

1929 - Roy Riegels runs 60 yards the wrong way with Rose Bowl fumble recovery

1934 - Alcatraz Island officially became a Federal Prison.

1935 - 1st Sugar Bowl & 1st Orange Bowl Played

1937 - The First Cotton Bowl football game was played in Dallas, TX. Texas Christian University (T.C.U.) beat Marquette, 16-6.

1939 - William Hewlett and David Packard found Hewlett-Packard.

1942 - Franklin D. Roosevelt and Winston Churchill issued a declaration called the "United Nations." It was signed by 26 countries that vowed to create an international postwar World War II peacekeeping organization.

1942 - Rose Bowl played in North Carolina due to Japanese threat-Oregon 20, Duke 16

1944 - Army defeats Navy 10-7 in football "Arab Bowl", Oran, North Africa

1944 - General Clark replaces General Patton as commander of 7th Army

1950 - Ho Chi Minh begins offensive against French troops in Indo-China

1951 - Massive Chinese/North Korean assault on UN-lines

1954 - Rose & Cotton Bowl are 1st sport colorcasts

1956 - Elvis Presley records Heartbreak Hotel for RCA in Nashville

1958 - Sammy Davis Jr marries Loray White

1959 - Fidel Castro declared victory in the Cuban revolution as dictator Fulgencio Batista fled the island.

1960 - US census at 179,245,000

1961 - Largest check issued, National Bank of Chicago to Sears ($960.242 billion)

1962 - US Navy SEAL teams established

1962 - the Beatles auditioned for Decca records in London on the same day as Brian Poole and the Tremeloes. Decca chose the Tremeloes.

1966 - A twelve day New York City transit strike begins.

1966 - All US cigarette packs have to carry "Caution Cigarette smoking may be hazardous to your health"

1967 - Green Bay Packers beat Dallas Cowboys 34-27 in NFL championship game

1968 - Evel Knievel fails in his attempt to jump 141 feet over Cæsar's Palace Fountain

1971 - Tobacco ads representing $20 million dollars in advertising were banned from TV and radio broadcast.

1975 - Haldeman, Ehrlichman, Mitchell & Mardian convicted of Watergate crime

1975 - The magazine "Popular Electronics" announced the invention of a person computer called Altair.

1977 - 1st woman formally ordained an Episcopal priest (Jacqueline Means)

1977 - Tony Dorsett runs for record 202 yards in the Sugar Bowl

1983 - The ARPANET officially changes to using the Internet Protocol, creating the Internet.

1984 - AT&T was broken up into 22 Bell System companies under terms of an antitrust agreement with the U.S. Federal government.

1985 - The Internet's Domain Name System is created.

1985 - US's 1st manadatory seat belt law goes into effect (NY)

1985 - VH-1 made its broadcasting debut

1986 - Soviet television aired a five-minute greeting from President Reagan and Americans got the same from Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev in the first such exchange between the superpowers.

1993 - Harry Connick Jr arrested at a New York airport for gun possession

1995 - Frederick West, an alleged killer of 12 women and girls, was found hanged in his jail cell in Winston Green prison, in Birmingham.

1996 - After 27 years, Betty Rubble debuts as a Flintstone vitamin

1998 - A Law is passed that makes all California bars, clubs & card rooms smoke-free

1998 - US Census Bureau estimates population at 268,921,733

2000 - As the world celebrates, no major crisis arises from the dreaded Y2K computer 'millennium bug'.

2002 - in the largest U.S. ground operation of the war on terrorism at that point, 200 Marines began a two-day sweep through deserted training camps in southern Afghanistan but found none of the terrorist leaders.

2005 - a published report says interrogators at the U.S. naval base in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, have routinely used inhumane methods that could be viewed as torture.

2006 - Sydney, Australia swelters in 45C(113F) heat, a record for the city.



Famous Birthday’s
1735 - Paul Revere silversmith/US patriot (British are coming)Died 1818

1752 - Elizabeth Griscom (Betsy) Ross, sewn the first U.S. flag(Died 1836)

1895 - J Edgar Hoover Washington DC, Director of US Fedreal Bureau of Investigation

1942 - Country Joe McDonald California, rock guitarist/vocalist (& the Fish)

1946 - Rick Hurst Houston TX, actor (Deputy Cletus Hogg on The Dukes of Hazzard)



Famous Death’s
1953 - Hank Williams country singer (Cold Cold Heart), dies at 29 of a Heart attack

1969 - Barton Maclane actor (General Peterson-I Dream of Jeannie), dies at 68

1994 - Cesar Romero US actor (Joker-Batman), dies at 86

2001 - Ray Walston, actor(My Favorite Martian, Mr. Hand on Fast Times at Ridgemont High (b. 1914)



Joke of the Day
Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery
- Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
- Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.
- Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness!
- Spot! Spot! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
- Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
- Hand me that...uh...that...uh.....thingie.
- Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
- Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
- Darn, there go the lights again...
- You know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of them.
- Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
- Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.
- What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change...!
- Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
- This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
- Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donor card?
- Don't worry; I think it's sharp enough.
- What do you mean "You want a divorce"!
- She's gonna blow! Everyone take cover!!!
- FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out of here!
- Has anyone seen my watch?
- Whoa I shouldn't had drank so much last night, I think I’m still ddrunk!
- Was I wearing 2 or 3 rings?
- Is that my blood or his?
- “Touchdown!”
- Who says two years of collage isn’t enough to become a Doctor!
- What do you mean, wrong end, nurse?
- Where are my pants?

Alcohol Consumption Warning

- The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

- The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

- The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

- The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

- The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

- The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

- The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your behind kicked.

- The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead/knees.

- The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

- The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

- The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

Deer Nuggets

Did you know deer nuggets are cheaper than chicken nuggets?

Chicken nuggets are $1.49, but deer nuggets are under a BUCK

World Records
Largest Parade of Bicycles
The record for the largest parade of bicycles is 140 and was achieved by Paul Frank Industries (USA) in Costa Mesa, CA, USA on December 22, 2005.

Largest Parade Of BMW Motorcycles
A parade of 128 BMW C-1 motorcycles took place at the village of Einsiedeln, Switzerland, on June 12, 2004 as part of the SwissC1:2004 event.

Largest Parade of Harley Davidson Motorcycles
A parade of 2,118 Harley Davidson motorcycles took part in the 17th annual Children's Hospital Toy Run at Denver, Colorado, USA, on December 8, 2002.

Longest Bicycle
The longest true bicycle, that is one with only two wheels and no stabilizers, was 28.1 m (92 ft 2 in) long and was built by members of Gezelschap Leeghwater, the mechanical engineering students' association at Delft University of Technology. The bicycle was ridden for a distance in excess of 100 m (328 ft) at Delft, The Netherlands on December 11, 2002.

This Day in History, December 31st Happy New Years!

This Day in History
1695 - The window tax was imposed in Britain, which resulted in many windows being bricked up.

1841 - Alabama becomes 1st state to license dental surgeons

1857 - Britain's Queen Victoria decided to make Ottawa the capital of Canada.

1862 - U.S. President Lincoln signed an act admitting West Virginia to the Union.

1877 - President Rutherford B. Hayes became the first U.S. President to celebrate his silver (25th) wedding anniversary in the White House.

1879 - Thomas Edison gave his first public demonstration of incandescent lighting to an audience in Menlo Park, NJ.

1891 - New York's new Immigration Depot was opened at Ellis Island, to provide improved facilities for the massive numbers of arrivals.

1897 - Brooklyn, NY, spent its last day as a separate entity before becoming part of NY City.

1907 - For the 1st time a ball drops at Times Square to signal the new year

1911 - Marie Curie received her second Nobel Prize for her work on radioactive elements.

1914 - Colonel Jacob Ruppert & Cap Huston purchase New York Yankees for $460,000

1929 - Guy Lombardo and his Royal Canadians played "Auld Lang Syne" as a New Year's Eve song for the first time.

1946 - U.S. President Truman officially proclaimed the end of hostilities in World War II.

1947 - Roy Rogers and Dale Evans were married.

1951 - The "Wild Bill Hickok" series came to radio following its success on television.

1953 - Willie Shoemaker broke his own record as he won his 485th race of the year.

1955 - General Motors became the first U.S. corporation to earn more than one billion dollars in a single year.

1960 - The farthing coin, which had been in use in Great Britain since the 13th century, ceased to be legal tender.

1961 - In the U.S., the Marshall Plan expired after distributing more than $12 billion in foreign aid.

1967 - The Green Bay Packers won the National Football League championship game by defeating the Dallas Cowboys 21-17. The game is known as the Ice Bowl since it was played in a wind chill of 40 degrees below zero. (NFL)

1970 - Congress authorizes the Eisenhower dollar coin

1974 - Private U.S. citizens were allowed to buy and own gold for the first time in more than 40 years.

1977 - Cambodia drops diplomatic relations with Vietnam

1977 - Ted Bundy(serial killer) escapes from jail in Colorado

1978 - Taiwanese diplomats struck their colors for the final time from the embassy flagpole in Washington, DC. The event marked the end of diplomatic relations with the U.S.

1979 - At year end oil prices were 88% higher than at the start of 1979.

1981 - Netherlands unemployment stands at record 475,000

1981 - CNN Headline News debuts

1997 - Microsoft buys Hotmail E-mail service

1997 - More Swedes died than were born in 1997, 1st time since 1809

1997 - Quaker Oats settles a lawsuit involving the immoral use of child subjects in radioactivity experiments circa 1945-1956.

1997 - Michael Kennedy, 39-year-old son of the late U.S. Sen. Robert F. Kennedy, was killed in a skiing accident on Aspen Mountain in Colorado.

1999 - Russian President Boris Yeltsin resigned. Prime Minister Vladimir Putin was designated acting president.

1999 - The United States Government handed Panama Canal control over to Panama as well all the adjacent land to the canal known as the Panama Canal Zone. This act complied with the signing of the 1977 Torrijos-Carter Treaties

1999 - Sarah Knauss died at the age of 119 years. She was the world's oldest person. She was born September 24, 1880.

2002 - President Bush told reporters an attack by Saddam Hussein or a terrorist ally "would cripple our economy."

2004 - The official opening of Taipei 101, the current tallest skyscraper in the world, standing at a height of 509 metres (1,670 feet).

2004 - Ricardo Palmera (54) became the first leader of the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia, or FARC, to be sent to face prosecution in a U.S. federal court.

2006 - The United Kingdom pays final installment of Second World War debt to the United States.



Famous Birthday’s
1922 - Rex Allen Wilcox AZ, cowboy singer (Dr Baxter-Frontier Doctor)

1943 - John Denver [Henry John Deutschendorf Jr] Roswell NM, singer/songwriter/actor (Rocky Mountain High, Thank God I'm a Country Boy, Oh God!) Died in 1997

1947 - Tim Matheson California, actor (Animal House, Fletch, Up the Creek)

1948 - Donna Summer Boston MA, singer (Love to Love You Baby, On the Radio)

1951 - George Thorogood, musician(Bad to the Bone, Who do you Love, Move it on Over)

1959 - Val [Edward] Kilmer actor (The Saint, Top Gun, The Doors)

1959 - Bebe Neuwirth Princeton NJ, actress (Lilith-Cheers, Damn Yankees)

1963 - Scott Ian US heavy metal guitarist (Anthrax-I'm the Man)



Famous Death’s
1985 - Rick Nelson singer/actor (Adventures of Ozzie & Harriet), dies at 45

1985 - Sam Spiegel Academy Award winning producer (Betrayal), dies at 84

1997 - 76 law enforcement officers killed by felons in US this year

1997 - Michael Kennedy son of Robert Kennedy, dies in ski accident at 39



Joke of the Day
Great Gift Idea
A husband walks into Fredrick's of Hollywood to purchase some sheer lingerie for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price, the more sheer, the higher the price. He opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him. Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself."

So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.
The husband says, "Good Lord! You'd think that for $500, they'd at least iron it!"

Oops
A man returned home from the night shift and went straight up to the bedroom and found his wife with the sheet pulled over her head, fast asleep. Not to be denied, the horny
husband crawled under the sheet and proceeded to make love to her.
Afterward, as he hurried downstairs for something to eat, he was startled to find breakfast on the table and his wife pouring coffee.
"How'd you get down her so fast?" he asked. "We were just making love!"
"Oh my God," his wife gasped, "That's my mother up there!
She came over early and had complained of having a headache.
I told her to lie down for awhile."
Rushing upstairs, the wife ran to the bedroom. "Mother, I can't believe this happened. Why didn't you say something?"
The mother-in-law huffed, "I haven't spoken to that jerk for fifteen years and I wasn't about to start now!"

A Day At The Vet's
One day a man took his poodle to the veterinarian. As he walked into the waiting room, he noticed a very attractive young woman with her Great Dane.
He sits next to her, trying desperately to think of *something* to say to this woman. The best he can come up with is, "That's a big dog."
She smiles, and leans over to pat his dog on the head. She turns and says, "Yes, he is. Now, what's wrong with your little dog?"
He replies, "Well, he's a male dog, you see. And whenever we have company over, he trys to introduce various bits of himself to their shins. It's become a problem, so I'm here to take care of it."
"So, why are you and your really big dog here?" He's really hitting it off with her!
"Well, my dog is male too. I have the same problem with him: when I bend over in the kitchen, he jumps up behind me, puts his paws on my shoulders and, well,..."
"Oh, yes, I see," the man interrupts. "So you're hear to get him fixed too?"
"Oh no,... to get his nails clipped."



World Records
Shakespeare Recital World Record
On 15 - 16 February 2004, more than 150 people of the Wellesley College Shakespeare Society read aloud the complete work of Shakespeare (39 plays, 154 sonnets and poetry) in a record time of 22 hours and 05 minutes.
The solo record is held by Adrian Hilton of Beaconsfield in Buckinghamshire who - armed with a host of friends to keep him awake, and with advice from NASA on nutrition and the effects of sleeplessness - took a mammoth 110 hours and 46 minutes - almost 5 days - to complete the recital at the International Shakespeare Festival in 1987.


Worlds Largest Barf bag collection
The largest collection of “airsickness” bags was amassed by marketing and investment consultant Niek Vermeulen of the Netherlands who has the world's largest collection of “barf bags” with over 3,728 optical different bags from over 802 different airlines (counted in March 2004) and a further 10,000 spare bags.
Niek and his family embark upon nearly 70 international flights each year, harvesting sickbags along the way. His favorite bag is an airsickness bag from a NASA space shuttle, which spent 16 days in space.




Sports
Green Bay Packers 34, Detroit Lions 13

GREEN BAY, Wis. -- Packers coach Mike McCarthy had been so incensed with his players' poor performance last week he considered making his starters play a full four quarters in an otherwise inconsequential regular-season finale.

McCarthy cooled off by Sunday, deciding to rest several top players for the playoffs. It turned out he didn't really have to choose between playing it safe and playing to win in Green Bay's 34-13 victory over Detroit.

The Packers (13-3) didn't need their starters to beat the lowly Lions, tie a franchise record for victories in a season and rebound from an ugly loss in windy and cold conditions at Chicago.

"I think it punched us right in the mouth, and it was a good wake-up call," McCarthy said of last week's loss to the Bears. "The most important thing about a wake-up call, in my opinion, is how you respond to it."

After allowing the Lions a field goal on their opening drive, Green Bay responded. Brett Favre drove the Packers to touchdowns on three straight possessions, then joined receivers Donald Driver and Greg Jennings and other prominent teammates on the sideline.

While the Packers already were locked in as the NFC's No. 2 playoff seed, Favre said there's no such thing as a meaningless game -- especially after the Bears loss.

"Last week was in some respects a disaster," Favre said. "You almost hate to say, 'Now this game is meaningless.' I feel like the game leading up to the playoffs is always important."

The Lions (7-9) made it easy on the Packers, delivering an uninspired performance in what might have been their last game with Mike Martz as their offensive coordinator. Lions coach Rod Marinelli would not comment on multiple media reports that Martz would be fired. Martz was not available for comment.

"Whatever decision they make, that's what they're going to do," Lions center Dominic Raiola said. "We've got to somehow move on. I'm really getting tired of changing coaches around here. Since I've been here, we've been changing coaches and there comes a point in time where it's not the coaches anymore, you know what I'm saying? That's really frustrating."

Adding to Raiola's frustration: The Lions couldn't take advantage of the Packers playing their reserves for most of the game.

The Packers rested Driver, Jennings, cornerback Charles Woodson, defensive end Aaron Kampman, tight end Donald Lee and defensive tackle Ryan Pickett. The Packers are assured a first-round bye and one home playoff game.

Green Bay wasn't able to completely avoid injuries Sunday, as running back Ryan Grant left the game with a stinger in the first quarter and cornerback/punt returner Will Blackmon was carted to the locker room with a foot injury just before halftime.

McCarthy said Grant could have returned if needed. The more serious injury appeared to be to Blackmon, who aggravated a foot injury that has cost him significant chunks of his first two NFL seasons.

Grant, who took over as the Packers' main running back in the seventh game, finished just 44 yards shy of 1,000 yards rushing. The Packers' running game didn't slow down after he left, as rookie Brandon Jackson rushed for 113 yards on 20 carries.

Favre even made a rare contribution to the running game, scrambling for 21 yards on the Packers' first possession to set up a 27-yard touchdown run by Grant.

"I've still got a little bit left," Favre joked.

The fun didn't stop there, as Favre threw a 5-yard touchdown pass to Koren Robinson -- Robinson's first touchdown since serving a 1-year suspension under the NFL's substance abuse policy. Favre celebrated enthusiastically in the end zone with Robinson, whom Favre has publicly supported all season. After the game, Favre called Robinson "a great guy with very good character who's had some problems."

Favre then threw a 4-yard touchdown to Bubba Franks on the Packers' third possession. Desperate for someone to celebrate with, Favre ran into a bewildered official -- and immediately slapped him five.

Favre's celebrations came at the expense of the Lions, who lost seven of their last eight after starting 6-2. Detroit hasn't won in Wisconsin since 1991.

Kitna said the season was a disappointment, but still better than finishing 3-13 last year.

"We played meaningful games in December and you can't simulate that," Kitna said. "And so, it'll be something that guys can learn from. Like I said, in this locker room, there's not a lot of guys that've done that."

Kitna was 22-of-48 with a touchdown and two interceptions for the Lions, who played without injured running back Kevin Jones and wide receiver Roy Williams.

Notes: McCarthy said he didn't have any additional information on injuries to two of the team's guards. Jason Spitz left with a quadriceps injury in the first half and Junius Coston injured his calf in the second half. ... Packers rookie kicker Mason Crosby finished the season leading the NFL with 141 points, the highest-scoring season by a kicker in franchise history and third-highest season point total by any Packers player.