Tuesday, December 02, 2008
This Day in History, Famous Birthdays, Jokes and News
1775 - 1st official US flag raising (aboard naval vessel Alfred)
1800 - A tie resulted in the US between Thomas Jefferson and Aaron Burr for Presidency.
1818 - Illinois admitted as 21st US state in the Union.
1828 - Andrew Jackson elected 7th President of US, John C Calhoun Vice-President
1868 - Trial of Jefferson Davis starts; 1st blacks on US trial jury
1901 - Milwaukee is dropped from the American League & replaced by St Louis Browns
1901 - US President Theodore Roosevelt delivers a 20,000-word speech to the House of Rep’s asking the Congress to curb the power of trusts "within reasonable limits".
1910 - The neon lamp was displayed for the first time at the Paris Motor Show.
1931 - Alka Seltzer was sold for the first time.
1940 - The British government announces that it has placed a first order with US yards for the construction of 60 merchant ships.
1942 - Admiral Tanaka leads 10 destroyers in a supply operation to bring food to the desperate Japanese soldiers on Guadalcanal. To avoid air attacks, the cargo is dropped not landed. Only about 300 of the 1500 containers reach the Japanese forces.
1947 - Tennessee Williams play "A Streetcar Named Desire" premieres in New York NY
1948 - "Pumpkin Papers" come to light (claimed to be microfilm from spy Alger Hiss)
1950 - Paul Harvey begins his national radio broadcast
1950 - Tom Fears (LA Rams) caught an NFL-record 18 passes against the Green Bay Packers.
1952 - 1st TV broadcast in Hawaii
1953 - Eisenhower criticized Senator McCarthy for saying communists are in Republican party.
1964 - Police arrested about 800 students at the University of California at Berkeley.
1964 - "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer" 1st airs on TV
1971 - President Nixon commutes Jimmy Hoffa's jail term
1973 - Pioneer program: Pioneer 10 sends back the first close-up images of Jupiter.
1979 - In Cincinnati, Ohio, 11 fans are killed during a stampede for seats before a Who concert
1979 - Christie's auctions a thimble for a record $18,400
1982 - 77ºF highest temperature ever recorded in Cleveland in December
1984 - Oldest groom - Harry Stevens, 103, weds Thelma Lucas, 83, in Wisconsin
1984 - A methyl isocyanate leak from a Union Carbide pesticide plant in Bhopal, India, kills more than 3,800 people outright and injures 150,000-600,000 others (some 6,000 later die from their injuries) in one of the worst industrial disasters in history.
1991 - Muslims released American Alann Steen, who had been held captive nearly five years.
1992 - UN Security Council votes unanimous for US led forces to enter Somalia
1992 - The Greek tanker "Aegean Sea" ran aground at La Coruna, Spain and spilled 21.5 million gallons of crude oil.
1997 - South Korea received $55 billion from the Inter. Monetary Fund to bailout its economy.
2000 - Space shuttle Endeavour's astronauts attached the world's largest, most powerful set of solar panels to the international space station.
2001 - Some 3,000 Taliban surrendered at Char Dara, 6 miles west of Kunduz.
2005 - XCOR Aerospace makes 1st manned rocket aircraft delivery of US Mail in Mojave, Calif
Famous Birthday’s
1930 - Andy Williams, Wall Lake IA, singer (Moon River, Andy Williams Show)
1937 - Bobby Allison, Nascar race car driver with 86 Wins & 446 Top Tens, 1988 Daytona 500
1948 - Ozzy Osbourne,England, rock vocalist(Black Sabbath-Bark at the Moon, No More Tears)
1951 - Rick Mears, Indy-car racer (over 25 wins) Won Indianapolis 500-Mile Race four times
1960 - Daryl Hannah, actress (Splash, Blade Runner, Grumpy Old Men 1+2, Kill Bill 1+2)
1963 - Terri Schiavo, center of right to die case in Florida (d. 2006)
1968 - Brendan Fraser, Indianapolis IN, actor (School Ties, Blast from the Past, The Mummy)
Joke of the Day
Dinosaur Plumbing
Because I couldn't unplug the toilet with a plunger, I had to dismantle the entire fixture, no small feat for a non-plumber. Jammed inside the drain was a purple rubber dinosaur, which belonged to my five-year-old son. I painstakingly got all the toilet parts together again, the tank filled, and I flushed it.
However, it didn't work much better than before! As I pondered what to do next, my son walked into the bathroom. I pointed to the purple dinosaur I had just dislodged and told him that the toilet still wasn't working. "Did you get the green one, too?" he asked.
Unhappy Pharmacist
Dude walks into a pharmacy laughing hysterically, orders 2 condoms, still laughing, pays the pharmacist and walks out laughing. The pharmacist is perplexed but doesn't give it a second thought. The next day the same guy walks in laughing hysterically, orders 2 condoms, still laughing, pays the pharmacist and walks out laughing.
The pharmacist remembers the day before and starts to wonder what's up but not for too long because he has work to do.The next day the same guy walks in laughing hysterically, orders 2 condoms, still laughing, pays the pharmacist and walks out laughing. Now the pharmacist is intrigued as to what is going on with this guy so he arranges with his assistant to follow the guy and find out where he is going, should the man return.
Wouldn't you know it, The same guy comes back the next day, laughing hysterically, orders 2 condoms, still laughing, pays the pharmacist and walks out laughing.
The assistant followed him as per his orders and came back 20 minutes later. The eager pharmacist asked his assistant where the man went? The assistant said: "Your house."
World Records
Most Diving World Championships
Greg Louganis of the USA, won a record five world titles: highboard in 1978, and both highboard and springboard in 1982 and 1986, as well as four Olympic gold medals in 1984 and 1988.
Longest Soft ball marathon
The longest game of softball played was one of 55 hr 11 min at St Mary's Rugby Football Club, Templeogue, Dublin, Ireland, on April30-May 2.
Wisconsin Weather
Wednesday: Intermittent flurries and snow showers, especially early. High 27F. Winds NW at 10 to 15 mph. Chance of snow 70%. Snowfall around one inch.
Wednesday night: Snow flurries or snow showers. Low near 10F. Winds NW at 10 to 15 mph.
Thursday: Mostly cloudy skies with a few afternoon snow flurries. Cold. High around 20F. Winds WNW at 10 to 20 mph.
Friday: Chance of flurries. Highs in the low 20s and lows in the upper single digits.
Saturday: More clouds than sun. Highs in the low 20s and lows in the mid teens.
Sports
Giants WR Smith victim of robbery
CLIFTON, NEW JERSEY—Plaxico Burress is not the only New York Giants wide receiver involved in a gun-related incident in the past week. Giants wideout Steve Smith was the victim of an armed holdup in his own driveway on November 25. Captain Robert Rowan of the Clifton Police Department confirmed the details of the incident to PA SportsTicker on Tuesday.
According to the police, Smith was approached from behind at approximately 4 a.m. last Tuesday by an unknown assailant who pointed a gun at Smith’s head and said, “Give me all you got.” Smith turned over cash and jewelry to the gunman, the amount of which has not been determined, Rowan said. No arrests have been made in the robbery, which happened inside a gated community where Smith resides. The matter is still under investigation. “It’s fairly obvious he was targeted,” Rowan said.
It has been widely speculated the Smith’s holdup was the reason Burress felt compelled to carry a loaded gun into a midtown Manhattan nightclub Friday night.
The gun accidentally discharged inside the Latin Quarter nightclub, causing a minor wound to Burress’ thigh and leading to criminal charges against him Monday.
Burress was charged with second-degree criminal possession of a weapon - a Glock semiautomatic pistol - and third-degree possession for carrying the ammunition clip.
Both are Class C felonies, for which Burress could be sentenced to a mandatory minimum of 3 1/2 years in jail if convicted. A second-round pick of New York in 2007, Smith has flourished this season with 43 receptions for 424 yards and a touchdown.
Ted Rogers, owner of Toronto Blue Jays, dies at 75
TORONTO—Ted Rogers, owner of the Toronto Blue Jays, died at his home on Tuesday. He was 75. The founder of Rogers Communications Inc., Canada’s largest cable television and mobile phone company, was treated in October for an existing heart condition, the company said in announcing his death. Rogers Communications owns the Blue Jays and their home at the Rogers Centre, several television stations and an array of other media properties including Maclean’s and Chatelaine magazines. “Ted Rogers was one of a kind who built this company from one FM radio station into Canada’s largest wireless, cable and media company,” said Rogers Communications chairman and acting chief executive officer Alan Horn.
Rogers, one of Canada’s wealthiest people, earlier handed over his corporate duties to Horn.
Rogers bought the Blue Jays in 2000. This year, he arranged for the Buffalo Bills to play eight games over five years in Toronto.After making an early investment in wireless technology, his company eventually became Canada’s largest cell phone company. Rogers Communications is worth about $18 billion and has 24,000 employees. In 1991, Rogers was chosen an officer of the Order of Canada, one of the country’s top honors. He is survived by his wife, Loretta, and four children.
Wisconsin News
Tree growers donate to troops
GREEN BAY, Wis. - About 16,000 Christmas trees are headed for military bases around the country beginning Tuesday - hundreds of them donated by Wisconsin growers.
Six northeastern Wisconsin growers loaded a FedEx van with about 250 balsam firs, Douglas firs, white pines and other evergreens at Lambeau Field Monday. The trees are headed for Fort Campbell, Kentucky, home to the 101st Airborne Division.
From there, the Christmas SPIRIT Foundation will distribute the trees to troops stationed overseas. Most will be sent to bases in Iraq and Afghanistan. Wisconsin growers donate a total of about 500 trees. About 750 growers nationwide participate in the Trees for Troops program.
Wisconsin Faces Snow Blower Shortage
It's not officially winter yet but already there's a shortage of snow throwers in Wisconsin. Ariens is struggling to keep up after its supplier announced plans to quit making engines within two weeks. "As far as what they have over there for engines, it's little to none," Travis Foth of Northside True Value Hardware said. Ariens has told dealers that its engine supplier, Tecumseh, won't be making parts after mid- December and already it led to a lot of back-orders.
"Right now we are completely out of Ariens," Steve Nohr of Ambrosius Sales & Service said. "I've got, I think, ten of them coming that they found some engines for, so they will be building those, I think a hundred or so, I took ten, and I think that's the last of the ones they could get."
Ariens is one of a number of companies selling snow throwers, but because they're the biggest brand in Northeast Wisconsin it's expected to put a strain on the entire market. "There is going to be a snow blower shortage. I mean, there is no doubt," Nohr said. Right now Ambrosius in De Pere, has a waiting list for customers looking to buy an Ariens snow blower.
Demand For Packers Tickets Is Down
GREEN BAY - Some say the Lambeau Field game day experience is priceless - but this season, Green & Gold fans may find it more affordable.
Ticket brokers say the demand for Green Bay Packers tickets is down.
Ticket King's Josh Anderson says it's A different ball game compared to last year's demand. Probably due to several factors like the Packers' record, the economy and maybe some Brett Favre hangover. John Schmidt of Schmitty's Tickets says they ended up with about 30 leftover tickets for last Sunday's game against the Carolina Panthers. Schmidt says that's never happened for a regular season game in the twelve years he's been in business.
Brokers say they're selling tickets for Sunday's game against Houston below face value, however, the last regular season game against Detroit is selling above face value.
1st weather-related death reported in Wisconsin
MILWAUKEE - Southeastern Wisconsin's first major snowstorm has resulted in one weather-related death Monday. The Milwaukee County medical examiner's office says a 64-year-old man collapsed and died while snow-blowing today. The office says an official cause of death has not yet been determined, but paramedics suspect the man had a heart attack. Emergency workers tried to revive the man when they responded to the city's northwest side about 12:30 p.m. But an investigator from the medical examiner's office soon declared the man dead at the scene.
News
Chrysler Nov. US sales drop 47 pct; GM down 41 pct
NEW YORK - Chrysler says its November U.S. sales plunged 47%, blaming a slumping industrywide demand and a planned drop in fleet sales. The drop announced Tuesday includes a 59% decrease in demand for cars and 42% decline in truck sales. Excluding fleet sales, the Auburn Hills, Mich.-based automaker says its November sales fell 36%. Chrysler LLC's sales drop compares with a 41% plunge at General Motors and a 31% decrease at Ford.
Chrysler says that without a federal loan, its cash could fall below the minimum amount required to run the company in the first quarter of next year. The company said in a plan for federal loans delivered to Congress on Tuesday that it would seek $7 billion from the government by Dec. 31.
General Motors says it needs $4 billion in government loans this month and a total of $12 billion by late March to keep operating. The troubled automaker says it plans to slash its numbers of workers, vehicle brands and plants by 2012.
Altogether, the auto giant is seeking up to $18 billion in government funding - including a $6 billion line of credit in case market conditions worsen. General Motors Corp. would focus on 4 brands - Chevrolet, GMC, Buick and Cadillac. By 2012, the plan calls for 20,000 to 30,000 fewer workers, a reduction of 9 facilities and 1,750 fewer dealers.
Mass. Catholic diocese pays $4.5M for abuse claims
BOSTON - A Catholic diocese in Massachusetts has paid $4.5 million to nearly 60 people who say they were sexually abused by priests as far back as 1948.
The agreements announced Tuesday were part of a voluntary arbitration process set up over the summer. That's when the Roman Catholic Diocese of Springfield reached a settlement with its insurance carriers. Bishop Timothy McDonnell says the diocese has a moral responsibility to reach out to those abused by clergy when they were children.
US soldiers re-enlisting because of poor economy
FORT RILEY, Kan. — Sgt. Ryan Nyhus spent 14 months patrolling the deadly streets of Baghdad, where five members of his platoon were shot and one died. As bad as that was, he would rather go back there than take his chances in this brutal job market.
Nyhus re-enlisted last Wednesday, and in so doing joined the growing ranks of those choosing to stay in the U.S. military because of the bleak economy. "In the Army, you're always guaranteed a steady paycheck and a job," said the 21-year-old Nyhus. "Deploying's something that's going to happen. That's a fact of life in the Army — a fact of life in the infantry."
In 2008, as the stock market cratered and the housing market collapsed, more young members of the Army, Air Force and Navy decided to re-up. While several factors might explain the rise in re-enlistments, including a decline in violence in Iraq, Pentagon officials acknowledge that bad news for the economy is usually good news for the military.
In fact, the Pentagon just completed its strongest recruiting year in four years.
Alex Stewart joined the Army two years ago, when the factory where he worked as a welder started laying off. He was sent to Afghanistan with the 82nd Airborne Division, which suffered 87 deaths last year, the highest total suffered by the 20,000-member unit since the fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan began. When his hitch was up in earlier this year, the 32-year-old from Grand Rapids, Mich., didn't hesitate to re-up for five more years. "I want a stable life for my wife in a very shaky economy," Stewart said. "There were no other options."
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
This Day in History, Famous Birthdays, Jokes and News


This Day in History Wednesday November 12th
1775 - General Washington forbids recruiting officers enlisting blacks
1859 - Jules Leotard performs 1st Flying Trapeze circus act (Paris).
1892 - Pudge Heffelfinger receives $500, becomes 1st pro football player
1910 - 1st Movie stunt: man jumps into Hudson river from a burning balloon
1920 - Judge Kennesaw Mountain Landis elected 1st baseball commissioner
1927 - Notre Dame's Fighting Irish changes blue jerseys for green
1933 - 1st known photo of Loch Ness monster (or whatever) is taken
1933 - 1st Sunday football game in Philadelphia (previously illegal)
1933 - Nazis receive 92% of vote in Germany
1936 - 1st TV Gardening show
1936 - Oakland Bay Bridge opens
1939 - Jews of Lodz Poland are ordered to wear yellow armbands
1940 - Blizzard strikes midwest, 154 die (69 on boat on Great Lakes)
1941 - Germany's drive to take Moscow halted
1944 - German battleship "Tirpitz" sunk off Norway
1946 - 1st driv-up bank window established (Chicago)
1948 - Japanese premier Hideki Tojo sentenced to death by war crimes tribunal
1953 - US district Judge Grim, rules NFL can black out TV home games
1954 - Ellis Island, immigration station in NY Harbor, closed
1956 - Largest observed iceberg, 208 by 60 miles, 1st sighted
1964 - Paula Murphy sets female land speed record 226.37 MPH
1966 - High schooler Robert Smith kills 7 for fame
1979 - Tony Franklin of Philadelphia Eagles kicks 59-yard field goal
1979 - US halts Iranian oil imports & freezes Iranian assets
1980 - NYC Mayor Ed Koch admits to trying marijuana
1981 - 1st balloon crossing of the Pacific is completed (Double Eagle V)
1981 - 2nd shuttle mission-1st time spacecraft launched twice (Columbia 2)
1981 - Billy Martin named AL Manager of the Year (Oakland A's)
1984 - Space shuttle astronauts snared a satellite 1st space salvage
1988 - Japan beats MLB All-Star team 5-4 in Tokyo (Game 6 of 7)
1989 - Brazil holds 1st free presidential election in 29 years
1991 - “Full House" 100th episode-The twins are born
1992 - New York Yankee pitcher Steve Howe is reinstated for 8th time
1993 - The first Ultimate Fighting Championship is held in Denver, Colorado.
1995 - Dan Marino breaks Tarkenton's NFL all-time passing yardage mark of 47,003
2000 - In Florida Palm Beach election officials decided to recount all county votes, some 425,000, by hand.
2001 - In Afghanistan, Taliban forces abandoned Kabul & took 8 foreign aid workers with them. There were reports of looting & executions. 3 European journalists died in the fighting.
2004 - Scott Peterson is found guilty of first degree murder of his wife Laci Peterson and their unborn son Conner after a five-and-a-half month long trial.
Famous Birthday’s
1922 - Kim Hunter, actress(A Streetcar Named Desire, Planet off the Apes) died 2002.
1929 - Grace Kelly/Princess Grace of Monaco /actor (Philadelphia Story, Rear Window)d. 1982
1934 - Charles Manson, Cincinnati OH, criminal/cult leader/mass murderer serving life in prison
1935 - Jerry Douglas, actor (John-Young & Restless)
1944 - Al Michaels, TV sportscaster, (1977 – 2006) with ABC Sports & now with NBC football
1945 - Neil Young, Canada, singer/songwriter (Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young)
1968 - Sammy Sosa, Dominican MLB player, #21 with the Texas Rangers, 609 home runs.
1970 - Tonya Harding, figure skater(her ex-husband & 2 freinds attacked Nancy Kerrigan in 1994)
Joke of the Day
Some System
Each Friday night I drove my wife to the train station so she could go visit her sister who was ill. Ten minutes later, MY sister arrived by train so that she could help with the house and kids over the weekend while my wife was gone. On Sundays this procedure worked in reverse with my sister departing by train 10 minutes before my wife arrived.
One evening after my sister left and while I awaited my wife's arrival, a porter sauntered over. "Mister," he said, "you sure have some system going! But one of these days you're goin' to get caught!"
1935
A little boy asked his grandmother what year she was born.
She told him she was born in 1935. "Wow!" the boy exclaimed. "If you were a baseball card, you'd be worth lots of money.
Finding Her Place On her way back from the concession stand, Julie asked a man at the end of the row, "Pardon me, but did I step on your foot a few minutes ago?" Expecting an apology, the man said, "Indeed you did."
Julie nodded, and noted, "Oh good. Then this is my row."
World Records
Smallest Dog Living(Length)
The smallest dog in terms of length is Heaven Sent Brandy, a female chihuahua who measured 6 in from the nose to the tip of the tail on January 31, 2005. Brandy lives with her owner, Paulette Keller in Largo, Florida, USA.
Smallest Bottle of Wine(Retail)
Steve Klein of Klein's Designs, Encino, California, USA, produces hand-blown miniature wine bottles standing 3.2 cm (1.2 in) tall and with a volume of 0.75ml (0.026 fl oz). Each bottle is corked, sealed, and labeled. Limited to 1,000 bottles per type of wine, each issue is accompanied by a formal certificate. Prices currently range from $20 to $90 for a bottle of Gros Frere et Soeur 'Richebourg' which has a 24 carat Gold Seal.
Wisconsin Weather
Wednesday: Occasional light rain tapering to a few showers late. High 42F. Winds SSE at 5 to 10 mph. Chance of rain 70%.
Wednesday night: Cloudy during the evening. A few showers developing late. Low near 35F. Winds SSW at 5 to 10 mph. Chance of rain 30%.
Thursday: Showers early becoming a steady light rain later in the day. High around 45F. Winds S at 10 to 20 mph. Chance of rain 70%.
Friday: Chance of showers. Highs in the mid 40s and lows in the mid 30s.
Saturday: Mix of rain and snow showers. Highs in the low 40s and lows in the upper 20s.
Sports
Packers LB Barnett out for season with knee injury
GREEN BAY — Middle linebacker Nick Barnett will miss the rest of the season after tearing a right knee ligament in the Green Bay Packers' loss at Minnesota on Sunday.
The injury is a major blow to an already-suspect run defense which gave up 192 yards rushing to Vikings running back Adrian Peterson and now must function without one of its leaders.
"He's very disappointed," Packers coach Mike McCarthy said Monday. "It's unfortunate. But we need to have the other guys step up." McCarthy said coaches were discussing plans to replace Barnett, including using backup Desmond Bishop or moving outside linebackers A.J. Hawk or Brandon Chillar to the middle. "We'll probably make that call tomorrow," McCarthy said.
Barnett was injured on the Vikings' first drive of the second half while trying to tackle Peterson.
"I shot downhill, fast, trying to get a shot on him, and he cut back," Barnett said after Sunday's game. "So I tried to cut, and it was just bad footing."
Vikings running back Chester Taylor turned a short pass into a 47-yard touchdown on the next play after Barnett's immediate replacement, Bishop, blew the coverage.
"I definitely could've done better," Bishop said after the game. "The touchdown I gave up was bad." However, Bishop said he was "definitely" comfortable with the possibility of having to take over Barnett's starting role. Barnett said after Sunday's game that he was "just hoping for the best," but McCarthy said medical tests Monday morning revealed the severity of the injury. Surgery has been scheduled, but McCarthy did not provide details of Barnett's rehabilitation timeline.
Barnett, a first-round draft pick in 2003, was named a Pro Bowl alternate last season after receiving a contract extension through 2012. Barnett forfeited his paycheck for the first game of this season under the NFL's personal-conduct policy, after reaching a plea bargain deal for his role in a disturbance at an Appleton nightclub last year. The NFL also has fined Barnett a total of $15,000 this season for a pair of hits deemed illegal by league officials.
NFL rescinds fine against Randy Moss
FOXBOROUGH, Mass. —The NFL has rescinded a $20,000 fine levied against New England Patriots receiver Randy Moss for his comments about officiating.
The fine was withdrawn by Ray Anderson, the league’s vice president of operations, after a review, league spokesman Greg Aiello said Tuesday. Moss’ remarks came after the Patriots lost 18-15 at Indianapolis on Nov. 2. The fine was never announced by the league. Moss said at the time there were “some real iffy calls out there.” He added that good calls and bad calls are part of the game, and “you’ve got to live and die with them.”
Wisconsin News
State budget deficit to hit $5 billion
MADISON — Gov. Jim Doyle says Wisconsin’s budget deficit will reach $5 billion by the end of the next budget cycle thanks to declining tax collections and a national recession.
Doyle said Tuesday he remains committed to not raising general sales or income taxes to solve the problem. But he says he will push for previous tax increases that Republicans blocked in the Legislature, including a tax on hospitals and a tax on oil companies. Doyle says there will certainly be job cuts in state government. He will introduce his budget in February.
The governor says an expected 1.5 percent tax collection increase for this fiscal year will be negative 2.5 percent. And next year he says the projection will be for a 1.5 percent drop.
Wisconsin woman gets 40 years for prostituting daughter
KENOSHA, Wis. - A 38-year-old Kenosha woman has been sentenced to 40 years in prison for prostituting her then-15-year-old daughter.
Kenosha County Circuit Judge Mary Wagner says the sentence should keep the woman confined until she is too old to influence children. A jury convicted the woman last month on 21 charges including soliciting a child for prostitution, failure to protect a child and child enticement, all as a repeat offender. The woman is not being named to protect her daughters.
Authorities say she charged men $25 to $45 for sex with her 15-year-old daughter and tried to sell her 14-year-old daughter into prostitution as well. Her older daughter asked for the harshest sentence possible. The woman apologized for her actions in court Monday.
Woman sentenced to 55 years in torture-slay case
PORTAGE, Wis. - A woman convicted for her role in a torture and murder case has been sentenced to 55 years behind bars. 24-year-old Candace L. Clark pleaded no contest to being party to second-degree reckless homicide and guilty to charges including child abuse. Clark's sentence Monday included 45 years of extended supervision. She'll be eligible to apply for early release after serving about 47 years.
Clark was among those charged in the death of 36-year-old Tammie Garlin, whose body was found buried last year behind a rented Portage home. At the same time, Garlin's then-11-year-old son was found naked, severely beaten and burned in a locked closet.
Clark's attorney did not immediately return a message Monday afternoon.
Milwaukee's 'corpse flower' recovers -- and reeks
MILWAUKEE - For a while it was playing dead. Now Milwaukee's infamous "corpse flower" just smells like death. The Milwaukee Public Museum's titan arum flowered Monday, giving off its characteristic stench that some liken to the odor of rotting flesh.
Museum officials had feared the plant wouldn't blossom after it collapsed on its side over the weekend. But they say it apparently recovered and is now emitting its gag-inducing odor.
The museum is offering extended hours through Tuesday night for people who dare to take a whiff. "Corpse flowers" bloom as infrequently as once every 15 years, and then only for a matter of days. They can weigh as much as 170 pounds, reach nine feet in height and open to a diameter of 3 or four feet.
News
$1.61 a gallon is the price at some pumps
HOUSTON - With oil prices at a 20-month low, drivers are seeing a lot of price relief at the pump. Gasoline prices are below $2 a gallon in a number of states -- and at some service stations, the prices are approaching $1.50. They fell overnight to a national average of $2.22 a gallon, dragged down by the falling price of crude -- which now costs 60% less than it did in mid-July. Oil industry analysts had figured that even if the U.S. and other western nations went into recession, China and India would continue to buy crude. But the booming economies in Asia are showing signs of fatigue.
In Missouri, a Web site called GasBuddy.com -- where consumers post prices that they spot -- said a few stations in the Kansas City area are charging $1.61 for regular. Drivers are paying just slightly more in parts of Oklahoma, Iowa, Ohio and Texas.
Deadly stomach bug more common than thought
ATLANTA - Researchers say a nasty, sometimes deadly stomach bug may be at least six times more common than previously thought. The germ is resistant to some antibiotics and has become a regular menace in hospitals and nursing homes. Doctors say it plays a role in hundreds of thousands of hospitalizations each year, and that number has been growing.
The bacteria (Clostridium difficile) can be deadly, particularly to the elderly, and has been blamed in outbreaks that have killed as many as 100 people at some hospitals. The study shows that more than 7,100 hospital patients are infected with it on any given day.
The Association for Professionals in Infection Control and Epidemiology estimates are based on a survey of hundreds of U.S. hospitals. The findings were presented today at a conference in Orlando. Recommendations include stepping up bleaching and other cleaning efforts in hospitals and nursing homes, and isolating patients who have the bug.
Man's body found in paper bale at Idaho plant
TWIN FALLS, Idaho - Investigators in Idaho have a gruesome mystery to solve.
Workers at a recycling plant found a man's body inside a 1,500-pound bale of paper. Investigators are trying to figure out who he was, and how he got there. The body was found at a plant in Twin Falls, but investigators say the paper bale came from the Boise area, more than 100 miles away. Police say the man was likely in his 50s. They say he was wearing clothing consistent with a homeless person. The Boise plant churns out dozens of the bales of recycled paper every day. It's collected from bins scattered around the county. The center also receives large amounts of newspapers from commercial compactors. A coroner says because of the unanswered questions, investigators are treating the death like a homicide, and are preserving forensic evidence.
3 WWI vets attend London ceremony In London today, three World War I veterans led tributes marking the 90th anniversary of the end of that European war. Applause rose from the crowd as the old soldiers -- 108, 110 and 112 years old -- came into view under intense sunlight at Britain's World War I monument. The eldest, Henry Allingham, recently told The Associated Press he was determined to be there to remember his fallen comrades during the two-minute silence at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month. Across the channel, French President Nicolas Sarkozy and Britain's Prince Charles attended a solemn ceremony near 1 of the conflict's bloodiest battlefields. The Battle of Verdun claimed an estimated 300,000 soldiers over 300 days. Officials attending today representing a more united Europe, including Luxembourg's Grand Duke Henri, a German parliament leader and the president of the EU Commission. In Belgium's west Flanders region, thousands braved the driving rain for the annual Armistice Day poppy parade.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
This Day in History
1776 - Continental Congress appoints Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, Roger Sherman & Robert Livingston to draft a declaration of independence
1834 - Fur trade in Wisconsin declined due mainly to the removal of the Indians who were the trappers and hunters.
1859 - Comstock silver load discovered near Virginia City, Nevada
1898 - Spanish-American War: U.S. war ships start to sail for Cuba
1905 - Penns Railroad debuts fastest train in world (NY-Chicago in 18 hrs)
1927 - Charles A. Lindberg was presented the first Distinguished Flying Cross.
1936 - Presbyterian Church of America founded at Philadelphia
1939 - King & Queen of England taste 1st "hot dogs" at FDR's party
1942 - World War II: The United States agrees to send Lend-Lease aid to the Soviet Union.
1947 - The U.S. government announced an end sugar rationing.
1951 - Elements of the 3rd Infantry Division captured Chorwon.
1955 - Eighty-three are killed and at least 100 are injured after three cars collide at the 24 Hours of Le Mans. The cars had ploughed into the spectator's grandstand.
1962 - Frank Morris, John Anglin and Clarence Anglin become the only prisoners to successfully escape from the prison on Alcatraz Island.
1963 - Gov Wallace tries to prevent blacks registering at U of Alabama
1963 - JFK says segregation is morally wrong & that it is "time to act"
1964 - Buddhist monk Quang Duc burns himself alive with gasoline on a Saigon street to protest the government of South Vietnam
1970 - Anna Mae Hays and Elizabeth Hoisington become the first female US Army Generals.
1972 - Eltham Well Hall rail crash, caused by an intoxicated train driver, kills six people and injures 126
1981 - The first major league baseball player's strike began. It would last for two months.
1982 - Steven Spielberg's Movie "ET The Extra-Terrestrial" released (highest grossing film)
1985 - A Fabergé Egg was sold for $1,838,237 in New York.
1987 - Margaret Thatcher is 1st British PM in 160 years to win 3rd consecutive term
1993 - US Special Operations AC-130 Spectre gunships attack six targets in capital city of Mogadishu.
1993 - The U.S. Supreme Court ruled religious groups had a constitutional right to sacrifice animals during worship services.
1998 - Mitsubishi of America agreed to pay $34 million to end the largest sexual harassment case filed by the U.S. gov. The federal lawsuit claimed that hundreds of women at a plant in Normal, IL, had endured groping and crude jokes from male workers.
1998 - Compaq Computer pays $9 billion for Digital Equipment Corp in largest high tech deal
2001 - Timothy McVeigh (33) was executed by lethal injection at the federal prison in Terra Haute, Ind., for the April 19, 1995, Oklahoma City bombing.
2002 - Antonio Meucci is acknowledged as the first inventor of the telephone by the United States Congress.
2004 - Ronald Reagan's funeral held at Washington National Cathedral.
Famous Birthday’s
1913 - Vince Lombardi, NFL coach (Green Bay Packers 1959-67, 2 Superbowls & 5 Championships)Died in 1970 of cancer
1918 - Nelson Mandela, civil right activist in South Africa
1935 - Gene Wilder, Milwaukee Wis, actor, Young Frankenstein, Silver Streak, Stir Crazy
1939 - Jackie Stewart, Scotland, driver/sports announcer (27 Grand Prix)
1956 - Joe Montana, NFL quarterback (SF 49ers & KC Chiefs, 35,124 passing yards)
Famous Death’s
1970 - Frank Silvera, actor (High Chaparral), dies at 55
1979 - John Wayne (born Marion Morrison), actor, he played lead in 142 films (b. 1907)
2001 - Timothy McVeigh, American terrorist (executed) (b. 1968)
2003 - David Brinkley, American television reporter (b. 1920)
Joke of the Day
No Novacaine
A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want Novacaine because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way."
The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?"
The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."
Fair Settlement
After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported to his client.
"Mrs. LaMay, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you."
"Fair to both?!?" exploded Mrs. LaMay. "I could have done that myself. What do you hired a lawyer for?"
World Records
Fastest Car Window Opened by a Dog
The fastest time a dog has unwound a non-electric car window is 11.34 seconds and was achieved by Striker, a border collie owned and trained by Francis V. Gadassi (Hungary). The record was set on September 1, 2004 in Quebéc City, Canada.
Tallest Dog
The tallest dog living is Gibson, a harlequin great Dane, who measured 107 cm (42.2 in) tall on August 31, 2004 and is owned by Sandy Hall of Grass Valley, California, USA.
Longest Goldfish
The world's longest goldfish is owned by Joris Gijsbers and measured 47.4 cm (18.7 in) from snout to tail-fin end on March 24, 2003 in Hapert, The Netherlands.
Wisconsin Weather
Wednesday: A few showers early in the day. Isolated thunderstorms developing in the afternoon. High near 70F. Winds E at 15 to 25 mph. Chance of rain 30%.
Wednesday night: Variably cloudy with scattered thunderstorms. A few storms may be severe. Low 57F. Winds E at 10 to 20 mph. Chance of rain 60%.
Thursday: Scattered thunderstorms in the morning becoming more widespread in the afternoon. High 79F. Winds S at 10 to 20 mph. Chance of rain 80%.
Friday: Thunderstorms. Highs in the upper 70s and lows in the low 60s.
Saturday: Partly cloudy, chance of a thunderstorm. Highs in the mid 70s and lows in the 50s.
Sports
Former official sues NASCAR over harassment claims
As an aspiring racing official, Mauricia Grant had grown used to working in a man’s world.
When she finally made it into NASCAR, Grant was appalled at the way she says she was treated beginning from her first day on the job until her firing last October.
Now she’s suing NASCAR for $225 million, alleging racial and sexual discrimination, sexual harassment and wrongful termination. “I loved it. It was a great, exciting, adrenaline-filled job where I worked with fast cars and the best drivers in the world,” Grant told The Associated Press. “But there was an ongoing daily pattern (of harassment). It was the nature of the people I worked with, the people who ran it, it trickled down from the top.
“It’s just the way things are in the garage.”
The 32-year-old Grant, who is black, worked as a technical inspector responsible for certifying cars in NASCAR’s second-tier Nationwide Series from January 2005 until her termination. In the lawsuit, she alleged she was referred to as “Nappy Headed Mo” and “Queen Sheba,” by co-workers, was often told she worked on “colored people time,” and was frightened by one official who routinely made references to the Ku Klux Klan.
In addition, Grant said she was subjected to sexual advances from male co-workers, two of whom allegedly exposed themselves to her, and graphic and lewd jokes.
The lawsuit, filed Tuesday in the U.S. District Court for the Southern District of New York, lists 23 specific incidents of alleged sexual harassment and 34 specific incidents of alleged racial and gender discrimination beginning when she was hired in January 2005 thru her October 2007 firing. NASCAR spokesman Ramsey Poston said the organization had not yet reviewed the suit.
“As an equal opportunity employer, NASCAR is fully committed to the spirit and letter of affirmative action law,” Poston said, adding NASCAR has a zero tolerance policy for harassment.
In the lawsuit, Grant said she complained numerous times to her supervisors about how she was treated, to no avail. On one occasion, Grant said Nationwide Series director Joe Balash, her immediate supervisor, was dismissive of her complaints, explaining her co-workers were “former military guys” with a rough sense of humor. “You just have to deal with it,” she says Balash told her. On another occasion, she alleged Balash participated in the harassment.
“Does your workout include an urban obstacle course with a flat-screen TV on your back?” she claimed Balash asked her during the week of July 28, 2007 while working in Indianapolis.
Wisconsin News
“Public Enemies” is back in Wisconsin
Film Wisconsin Executive Director Scott Robbe said crews are filming in Milwaukee today through Friday or Saturday. They plan to shoot at the 95-year-old Milwaukee County Historical Society building and in some neighborhoods. Crews started filming in Wisconsin in March and have also filmed in Indiana and Illinois. They want to be done by the end of June.
"Public Enemies" is directed and produced by University of Wisconsin graduate Michael Mann.
Johnny Depp portrays bank robber John Dillinger, whose crime spree ended when FBI agents shot him to death in Chicago in 1934.
Also in the film are Christian Bale and recent Oscar-winner Marion Cotillard.
Man Charged With Sexual Assault Of New London Woman
NEW LONDON - A New London woman's medical alert system helped police catch her suspected attacker. An Appleton newspaper reports that Eliseo Vargas broke into the disabled woman's Division Street apartment over the weekend and tried to sexually assault her in her bed. But the woman used her medical alert necklace to summon authorities.
Vargas was put on a $50,000 cash bond Monday on charges of second degree sexual assault, burglary and bail jumping. Court records show Vargas was out of jail on a signature bond for a previous charge of second degree sexual assault in Waupaca County.
Circus World Closes for Day as Flooding Threatens Wagons
MADISON, Wis. - A portion of the world's largest collection of circus wagons has been moved to higher ground as the Baraboo River threatens to flood the Circus World Museum.
The Baraboo museum closed Tuesday as the river continues to rise. It's expected to crest roughly seven feet above its normal height at the museum site.
Museum director Steve Freese says about ten historic circus wagons, musical instruments, and other artifacts have been moved out of harm's way.
The river intersects the 63-acre historic site. A museum and buildings used by the Ringling Brothers as the winter home of their circus from 1884 to 1918 are on one side of the river.
On the other side, visitors can see circus performances, animal acts and other entertainment.
Freese says he anticipates opening Wednesday.
Tommy Bartlett Show to Open on Land Thursday
MADISON - Lacking a lake for its water skiers, the iconic Tommy Bartlett Show plans to reopen on land Thursday.
The show is normally done on Lake Delton near the Wisconsin Dells. But the lake is nearly dry after it overflowed into the Wisconsin River Monday after two days of rain.
The Tommy Bartlett Show has been a mainstay in the area since the early 1950s. Offering two shows a day, its main draw has been daredevil water skiing acts.
But the show's spokeswoman Andrea Novotny says it will reopen with just a portion staged on land. Novotny says it will be a variety show featuring aerial acts, comedy and juggling.
She says the show is trying to keep most of its 150 employees on staff this summer, but some of the water skiers may join the Cypress Gardens water ski show in Florida.
News
North America tomato industry reeling: growers
MIAMI - Florida's tomato industry is in "complete collapse" and growers in California and Mexico are having trouble selling their crops as U.S. regulators hunt the source of a salmonella outbreak linked to certain tomato varieties, growers said on Tuesday.
In Florida, the No. 1 U.S. tomato producer, $40 million worth of tomatoes will rot unless the U.S. Food and Drug Administration quickly traces the source of the outbreak and clears the state's produce, an industry official said. "We've had to stop packing, stop picking," said Reggie Brown, executive vice president of the Florida Tomato Growers Exchange. "The stuff that should have been harvested over the weekend won't survive more than another day or so. The stuff we have in storage is getting riper every minute and at some point it will have to be disposed of," Brown said.
The FDA warned U.S. consumers on Saturday that the outbreak was linked to eating certain raw red plum, red Roma, and red round tomatoes, and products containing those tomatoes.
Major restaurant and grocery chains stopped selling those varieties, and some stopped selling all raw tomatoes entirely. U.S. growers produced $1.28 billion worth of tomatoes last year, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture. Florida produces an annual crop valued at $500 million to $700 million, and supplies more than 90 percent of the nation's tomatoes this time of year, Brown said.
Bush rejects government intervention to prop up U.S$.
KRANJ, Slovenia - President Bush is rejecting the idea of government intervention to bolster the value of the U.S$.. Speaking in Slovenia at his final European Union-U.S. summit, he said that he believes in a strong-dollar policy, but that world economies will end up setting the value of the dollar.
Meanwhile, Bush had little to say about Saudi Arabia's call for a summit between oil-producing countries and consumer states to discuss soaring energy prices. The president called it an "interesting idea" by the Saudi king. He did get tough on Iran, saying Iranian leaders "can either face isolation, or they can have better relations" with the U.S. and Europe. He said Iran "can't be trusted" with nuclear enrichment.
Truck on way to Austria with beer for Euro 2008 soccer fans spills
MUNICH, Germany - Police say a German truck hauling beer to thirsty fans at the soccer European Championship 2008 in neighboring Austria overturned, spilling 350 cases of its precious cargo across the autobahn. Police say the truck took an exit ramp too quickly on its way from Munich to Vienna when the accident occurred late Monday night.
Thousands of bottles were strewn across the road and shattered on impact. It created a sudsy mess that took about 40 firefighters with a bulldozer three hours to clean up.
Police said Tuesday that the 51-year-old driver of the truck was unharmed.
Austria and Switzerland are co-hosting the Euro 2008 tournament, which opened Saturday.
UK to announce final Iraq pullout
LONDON - The BBC reports British Cabinet ministers will announce within months when a final pullout from Iraq will take place, as long as a lull in violence holds.
Britain's Defense Ministry stresses that no decision is imminent, but that a withdrawal plan will be outlined by the end of the year. The situation will be discussed when Prime Minister Gordon Brown meets with President Bush on Sunday. But Brown's spokesman also reiterated there are no plans to announce Britain's exit from Iraq.
Britain has 4,000 troops remaining in Iraq at a base on the outskirts of the southern city of Basra.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
This Day in History, January 23rd

This Day in History1556 - Most deadly earthquake kills 830,000 in Shansi Province, China
1845 - The U.S. Congress decided all national elections would be held on the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November.
1849 - Elizabeth Blackwell became the first woman in U.S. to receive medical degree.
1865 - General Robert E Lee named Commander-in-Chief of Confederate Armies
1870 - 173 Blackfoot Indians (140 women & children) killed in Montana by US Army
1916 - Temp falls from 44ºF (7ºC) to -56ºF (49ºC) night of 23-24, Browning MT
1920 - Netherlands refuse to surrender ex-Kaiser Wilhelm II of Germany to the Allies.
1930 - George Washington Birthplace National Monument VA established
1932 - El Salvador army kills 4,000 protesting farmers
1941 - Charles Lindbergh testifies before the U.S. Congress and recommends that the United States negotiate a neutrality pact with Adolf Hitler.
1942 - Japanese troops occupy Rabaul New Britain
1942 - Tank battle at Adzjedabia, African corps vs British army
1943 - British 8th forces capture Tripoli in Libya from the Nazis.
1943 - World War II: Australian and American forces finally defeat the Japanese army in Papua. This turning point in the Pacific War
1953 - NFL Dallas Texans become Baltimore Colts (now Indianapolis Colts)
1953 - NFL's National & American conferences become Eastern & Western conferences
1960 - The bathyscaphe USS Trieste breaks a depth record by descending to the deepest point in the Pacific Ocean, 35,798 feet(6.8 miles)
1962 - Bob Feller & Jackie Robinson elected to Baseball Hall of Fame
1968 - North Korea seized the U.S. Navy ship Pueblo, charging it had intruded into the nation's territorial waters on a spying mission. The crew was released 11 months later.
1971 - -80ºF (-62ºC), Prospect Creek Camp, Alaska (US record)
1973 - President Nixon announced U.S. troops would cease fighting in Vietnam on Jan. 27
1974 - Mike Oldfield's "Tubular Bells" opened the credits of the movie, "The Exorcist".
1975 - "Barney Miller" made his debut on ABC-TV.
1977 - The TV mini-series "Roots," began airing on ABC.
1978 - weden became the first country to ban aerosol sprays because of damage to the ozone
1983 - "The A-Team" debuted on TV.
1986 - 1st induction of Rock 'N' Roll Hall of Fame (Chuck Berry, James Brown, Ray Charles, Fats Domino, Everly Brothers, Buddy Holly, Jerry Lee Lewis & Elvis Presley)
1988 - Experimental airplane Voyager, piloted by Dick Rutan & Jeana Yeager, complete 1st nonstop, round-the-world flight without refueling lands
1991 - "Seinfeld" debuts on NBC-TV
1997 - Madeleine Albright becomes the first woman to serve as U.S. Secretary of State.
2002 - "American Taliban" John Walker Lindh returns to the U.S. under FBI custody.
2002 - U.S. Reporter Daniel Pearl is kidnapped and subsequently beheaded in Pakistan
2006 - Ford Motor Co., reflecting the downsizing of the U.S. auto industry, said it would close 14 factories and eliminate 30,000 jobs over the next six years.
Famous Birthday’s
1737 - John Hancock, American Revolutionist/First to sign the Declaration (d. 1793)
1898 - Randolph Scott actor (Last of the Mohicans, Western Union)
1899 - Humphrey Bogart actor (Casablanca, Caine Mutiny, African Queen)
1914 - Napoleon L Bonaparte French pretender to the throne
1923 - Florence Halop Queens, actress (Florence-Night Court, St Elsewhere)
1975 - Tito Ortiz, American UFC Fighter(Former Light Heavyweight Champion)
Famous Deaths
2003 - Nell Carter, singer and actress (Ryan’s Hope, Gimme a Break) (Born 1948)
2004 - Bob Keeshan, actor, Captain Kangaroo(Born 1927)
2005 - Johnny Carson, Host of TV’s “Tonight Show” died of emphysema at age 79
Joke of the Day
Space Monkeys
NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with two monkeys and an astronaut. They trained them for months. Then when they thought they were ready, they placed all three in the shuttle and got ready to send them up into space.
As the moment came closer NASA's mission control center announced, "This is mission control to Monkey One. Initiate!"
At that the first monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle's engines ignited and the shuttle took off.
Two hours later NASA's mission control center announced, "This is mission control to Monkey Two. Initiate!"
At that the second monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle separated from the empty fuel tanks.
Another two hours later mission control announced, "This is mission control to the astronaut..."
At this the astronaut responded "I know, I know. Feed the monkeys and don't touch anything."
World Records
Most Lightning Strikes Survived
The only man in the world to be struck by lightning seven times was ex-Park Ranger Roy C. Sullivan, otherwise known as the human lightning conductor. A single lightning strike is made up of several 100 million volts,(shocking).
Furthest Eyeball Proper
Kim Goodman can pop her eyeballs out to a distance of .43 inches beyond her eye sockets. Kim’s eyes would protrude out of her head every time she yawns, and she has now taught herself to pop her eyes out on cue.
Wisconsin Weather
Wednesday: Flurries and a few snow showers throughout the day. Cold. High 9F. Winds NW at 5 to 10 mph. Chance of snow 30%.
Wednesday night: Some clouds early will give way to generally clear conditions overnight. Cold. Low -9F. Winds WNW at 5 to 10 mph.
Thursday: Mostly sunny skies. Cold. High 9F. Winds WSW at 5 to 10 mph.
Friday: Snow showers possible. Highs in the low 20s and lows in the upper teens.
Saturday: Mix of sun and clouds. Highs in the mid 30s and lows in the upper teens.
Sports
UFC gambles on untested Lesnar
In the spring of 2000, Brock Lesnar was a University of Minnesota senior, just two weeks and a handful of workouts away from the NCAA Division I wrestling tournament.
Today, the 30-year-old Lesnar finds himself in a similar situation as he trains for his match against former Ultimate Fighting Championship heavyweight champion Frank Mir in the most publicized debut in UFC history. The former “Next Big Thing” of pro wrestling has become ultimate fighting's next gigantic question mark, a 1-0 fighter with 69 seconds of ring experience thrown into the deep end of a shark-infested pool. Whether he's in over his head remains to be seen, but the reason he's being billed as the semi-main event of UFC 81 on Feb. 2 in Las Vegas is because of his fame as a former World Wrestling Entertainment champion.
The success of this card hinges on people buying the novelty of a former WWE champion fighting a former UFC champion. The idea, if it clicks, is to rally the UFC fan base to want to see the fake wrestler get smashed, and for the pro wrestling audience, to whom the show is being heavily marketed, to tune in out of curiosity to see how one of its all-time tough guys can do.
Lesnar knows his role is to antagonize UFC fans, as he did in dismissing Mir's submission ability in a commercial. Lesnar noted upon signing with UFC a few months ago that when it comes to promoting a fight, he "learned from the best." "I've got eight workouts left (as of late last week) and I'm very excited for February 2," Lesnar said. "I've got it all to lose and I've got everything to gain. Frank Mir doesn't have the same kind of pressure."
Lesnar knows the knee-jerk reaction is to say a WWE champion would get destroyed in an MMA match. He's heard all the wise cracks: No scripts. No dance partners allowing you to do your moves. With his big muscles, he'll gas out in a minute of real fighting. But what makes this match different from a Kimbo Slice-type of freak show is that those on the inside are even more intrigued than those on the outside. Oddsmakers are heavily favoring Lesnar, likely because they think people will bet on him because of name recognition as opposed to handicapping the match based on who they think has the best chance of winning. It would be a mistake to dismiss Lesnar as an over-muscled fake; he's arguably the best all-around athlete of any heavyweight in UFC history. Certainly nobody can match his combination of strength, explosive power, and speed to go along with his 265-pound fighting weight. After one week of training with Lesnar in late 2006, MMA coach Pat Miletich, a former UFC champion, came away impressed. "In a year, there won't be a man alive who can beat him," Miletich said. Lesnar has spent the last 18 months training at Greg Nelson's Minnesota Martial Arts Academy in Minneapolis, concentrating on striking and jiu- jitsu. He often works out with the national champion University of Minnesota wrestling team -- in particular, Cole Konrad, the 2008 Olympic hopeful who was NCAA heavyweight champion the past two years. Suffice to say, Lesnar gets a regular reality check of where his wrestling stands."I'm going to stay in his face and control him," Lesnar said.
Wisconsin News
Wisconsin Lands 2 Movie Productions
MADISON - Wisconsin has landed its first two movie productions since the state enacted film tax credits at the beginning of the year. Lt. Gov. Barbara Lawton says "The Violinist" will film in Green Bay and "Blue World" will film in Milwaukee.
"The Violinist" is an independent film about Arab-Israeli immigrants by Green Bay-based Pulse Communications. It has a $1 million budget.
"Blue World" is an indie thriller by Chicago-based Frontsight Productions. It's got a $2.5 million budget. Lawton says there's still no word on whether the Johnny Depp vehicle "Public Enemies" will film in Wisconsin.
3 snowmobilers go through Wolf River ice
FREMONT — Authorities are urging snowmobilers to consult with those familiar with ice conditions before venturing out onto the Wolf River. The Waupaca County Sheriff’s Department on Monday was called to the river near the Bridge Bar in Fremont after a father and son from Appleton broke through the ice just north of the U.S. 10 overpass. The riders pulled themselves from the river, but their snowmobiles were left submerged.
The sheriff’s department was called to the same area on Saturday after a northbound rider attempted to cross open water. That rider also pulled himself from the water, though he was taken to Theda Clark Medical Center in Neenah for treatment of a possible broken leg.
Charges Filed in Deadly Van Fire
The woman who left six children alone in a van that later caught fire has officially been charged.
A nine-month old girl and a two-year-old boy died in the blaze. It happened outside a Luxemburg hardware store in November.
Susan Laluzerne was taking care of the children that day, including two of her own.
The misdemeanor charge filed by Kewaunee County District Attorney Andrew Naze is in regards to Laluzerne running an unlicensed child care service.
Laluzerne is scheduled to make her first appearance in court on March 13.
If convicted, Laluzerne faces up to $500 in fines and one year in prison.
Dispute over NFL, Big Ten networks continues in Legislature
MADISON — The dispute with cable companies and the NFL Network continues in Wisconsin even as the football season is winding down. A bill heard Tuesday by an Assembly Committee would require cable companies and the NFL Network to go to arbitration to reach a deal.
The NFL Network and the Big Ten Network have reached agreements with many carriers, but not Time Warner and Charter Communications.
Green Bay Packers vice president Jason Wied says the Packers depend on wide television coverage to reach out to fans and attract new ones. The Packers support the bill.
The cable companies oppose it and says arbitration would not be allowed under federal law and would lead to higher cable bills. The Senate version of the proposal remains in committee.
News
Heavy snow blankets Great Lakes states
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. - A winter storm has left a blanket of snow across parts of Michigan and Wisconsin and is being blamed for deaths in three states.
Snow starting falling yesterday and continued into today, piling up to about a foot in western Michigan and southeastern Wisconsin. The snowfall has since tapered off in Michigan, where the National Weather Service canceled a winter storm warning.
Still, the weather left nearly every school in the Grand Rapids region closed. At least three traffic deaths in the state are blamed on the weather. And most highways in southern Wisconsin were covered in snow. Meanwhile, freezing rain on the Plains left ice on highways in Oklahoma, closing schools there and causing one traffic death.
Snow and ice have also been blamed for crashes that killed three people in Kentucky. Officials say in one instance, an emergency medical services worker and a pregnant woman she was helping were both killed when they were hit by a skidding truck.
Dozens of Minneapolis bridge collapse victims prepare to sue
ST. PAUL, Minn. - A major legal battle is brewing over last summer's Minneapolis bridge collapse. The Associated Press has obtained paperwork filed by dozens of victims that paves the way for them to sue the state.
Nearly 80 claims have poured in from surviving spouses and those who were injured. People have until Sunday to notify the state that they plan to sue. At least 22 of the notices are on behalf of children, many of them passengers on a school bus. According to an attorney for 10 of the riders, many are still traumatized and still have to sleep with their parents.
Bridge victims don't stand to get much from the state because of a law limiting the government's liability to $1 million per incident. Lawmakers are considering a compensation fund.
U.S. soldier becomes first to die in heavily armored MRAP vehicle
BAGHDAD - A military spokeswoman says a soldier killed over the weekend in Iraq is the first to die while in the newly introduced, heavily armored MRAP, the Mine-Resistant, Ambush-Protected vehicle.
The vehicle was hit by a roadside bomb south of Baghdad and the soldier who died Saturday was the gunner who sits atop the vehicle, which rolled over after the blast. It's not clear whether the gunner died from wounds in the explosion or in the subsequent roll-over. Three crew members tucked inside the cabin escaped with cuts and broken bones in their feet.
The hull of the huge armored truck is V-shaped, designed to deflect blasts from roadside bombs, a weapon that has killed more American soldiers than any other tactic used by Sunni insurgents and militia fighters in Iraq.
There now are more than 2,225 of the costly vehicles in service in Iraq and Afghanistan, and the Pentagon is working to buy as many as 12,000 more. MRAPs cost between $500,000 and $1 million, depending on their size and how they are equipped. They can weigh between 19 and 40 tons.
Monday, January 21, 2008
This Day in History, January 22nd

This Day in History 1879 - Battle of Rorke's Drift - 139 British soldiers successfully defended their garrison against an intense assault by four to five thousand Zulu warriors.
1901 - Queen Victoria of England died after reigning for nearly 64 years.
1905 - Workers were fired on in Russia, resulting in "Bloody Sunday." 500 were killed.
1917 - U.S. President Wilson pleaded for an end to war in Europe, calling for "peace without victory." America entered the war the following April.
1939 - Uranium atom 1st split, Columbia University
1941 - World War II: The United Kingdom captures Tobruk from Nazi forces.
1942 - Japanese air raid on Rabaul, New Britain
1944 - World War II: Allies begin Operation Shingle (an assault on Anzio, Italy).
1945 - Burma highway reopens
1946 - US President sets up CIA, Central Intelligence Agency
1951 - Fidel Castro was ejected from a Winter League baseball game after hitting a batter. He later gave up baseball for politics.
1952 - The first commercial jet plane, the BOAC's Comet, is put into service.
1957 - Mad Bomber (George P Metesky) accused of 30 explosions, arrested in N.Y.
1964 - World's largest cheese (34,663lb’s) manufactured, Wisconsin
1968 - The sketch comedy "Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In" premieres on NBC
1968 - NBA announces it will expand to Milwaukee & Phoenix
1969 - Billy Preston becomes the 5th Beatle
1970 - 1st commercial Boeing 747 flight (Pan Am), New York to London in 6½ hours
1973 - US, North & South Vietnam & Vietcong sign boundary accord
1976 - Bank robbery in Beirut nets $20-$50 million (record)
1982 - 75% of North America is covered by snow
1984 - Apple introduced the Macintosh. It was the first computer to use a mouse.
1985 - Cold wave damages 90% of Florida's citrus crop
1987 - Phil Donahue was first talk show host to tape a show inside the Soviet Union.
1992 - Princess Sarah Ferguson wears paper bag over her head on airline ride
1998 - Theodore Kaczynski plead guilty to federal charges for his role as the Unabomber. He agreed to life in prison without parole.
2000 - Elian Gonzalez's grandmothers met privately with U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno as they appealed for help in removing the boy from his Florida relatives and reuniting him with his father in Cuba.
2002 - Kmart Corp. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy making it the largest retailer in history to seek legal protection from its creditors.
2005 - The Indian navy in New Delhi reported finding a tsunami victim 25 days after he had been sucked into the sea and tossed onto a small island where he survived on coconuts until rescued.
Famous Birthday’s
1932 - Piper Laurie [Rosetta Jacobs], Detroit MI, actress (Twin Peaks)
1934 - Bill Bixby San Francisco CA, actor (Incredible Hulk, My Favorite Martian)D. 1993
1952 - Teddy Gentry Fort Payne AL, country music star (Alabama-Mountain Music)
1959 - Linda Blair St Louis MO, actress (Exorcist, Scream, The Blair Bitch Project)
Famous Death’s
1950 - Alan Hale, Sr., actor(Robin Hood, It Happened One Night, This is the Army)born 1892
1969 - Judy Garland singer/actress (Wizard of Oz), dies at 48 of an overdose
1973 - Lyndon B Johnson President (1963-69), dies at his Texas ranch at 64
1987 - R Budd Dwyer Pennsylvania State Treasurer, facing prison for conspiracy & perjury, shot himself to death at a televised news conference
1994 - Telly Savalas actor (Kojak, The Dirty Dozen), dies of prostate cancer at 70
1995 - Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy mother of President John F Kennedy, dies at 104
Joke of the Day
Sorry, Wrong Number
One morning the phone rang at 3:00 a.m. in Jeff's house. He picked up the phone and a woman asked, "Is this 555-1111?" "No, this is 555-1112." Jeff replied.
"Oh, I'm so sorry for disturbing you." The woman said.
"That's alright," Jeff said. "I had to get up to answer the phone anyway."
George Halas
Years ago famed Chicago Bears coach George Halas was screaming at a referee from outside the designated coaching area when the ref slapped George with a 5 yard penalty.
Halas threw down his hat and yelled at the referee, "You imbecile, it's a fifteen yard penalty, not a five yarder for coaching outside the box!"
To which the referee supposedly replied, "I know, but the way you coach George, it'll only be five".
World Records
Worlds Tallest man
The record for the tallest man ever was held by Robert Wadlow, who stood at 8 foot 11.1 inches at age 22 and he weighed 439lbs. His shoe size was a 37AA and his hands measured 12.75 inches from the wrist to the tip of his middle finger. At age 5 he was 5'4", at age 8 he weighed 169 pounds and was 6 feet tall, at age 16 he was 7 foot 10 .24 inches tall and weighed 374lbs.
First hand transplant
During a 14 hour operation in lyon France, in 1998, an international team of eight surgeons attached the hand of a dead man to the wrist of us 48-year-old Clint Hamlin of Australia.
Wisconsin Weather
Tuesday: Snow flurries around in the morning. Cold. High around 10F. Winds at 10 to 15 mph.
Tuesday night: A few clouds. Low -1F. Winds WNW at 5 to 10 mph.
Wednesday: Snow showers early becoming more scattered later. Cold. High 7F. Winds NW at 5 to 10 mph. Chance of snow 50%.
Thursday: Sunny. Highs in the upper single digits and lows 1 to -3F.
Friday: Snow showers. Highs in the low 20s with temperatures nearly steady overnite.
Sports
Perfect Patriots, improbable Giants headed to Arizona for Super Bowl
The New England Patriots' path to perfection has one last hurdle: a New York team of road warriors hoping for a Giant upset. "We'll try to elevate our game for one last performance," said Tom Brady, the Patriots' dimple-chinned, record-setting quarterback with the model girlfriend.
Brady and the Patriots (18-0) will try to match the 1972 Miami Dolphins as the only teams to complete an undefeated season when they face Eli Manning and the Giants on Feb. 3 in the Super Bowl at Glendale, Ariz.
"I think you enter the season and you're hoping to put together a bunch of great wins and you realize there's challenges every step of the way," Brady said after beating San Diego 21-12 in the AFC championship game Sunday. "To not have a letdown like most teams have -- we had a few letdowns or times where we didn't play our best, but we overcame them."
Standing in the Patriots' way are the Giants (13-6) and Manning -- Peyton's little brother, whose moxie and leadership abilities no longer can be questioned.
"We haven't been given a shot, but we're here," Manning said of his Giants, who have won 10 straight on the road -- including a 23-20 overtime win at Green Bay in the NFC title game. "I think we're deserving of it." Las Vegas oddsmakers might think differently. They installed New England as a 13 1/2 -point favorite in the big game, in which New York will get another shot at destroying the Patriots' path to perfection.
New England won 38-35 in its final game of the regular season, rallying from a 12-point second-half deficit against the Giants. The teams also played in the preseason finale, when New England won -- with Brady sitting that one out. Brady and the Patriots are playing in the Super Bowl for the fourth time in seven years. A win in this one would rank the Patriots as perhaps the greatest champion in NFL history -- Spygate a long-forgotten speedbump. In that scandal, the Patriots were fined $250,000 and coach Bill Belichick $500,000 for violating league rules by training a sideline camera on New York Jets coaches in their season-opening win. New England was stripped of its first-round draft pick next season, but the team stood by its coach. And the Patriots never wavered. "I think there's special guys on this team that have stepped up all year when they needed to," Brady said.
Maybe none more than New England's record-breaking -- and heartbreaking -- quarterback.
Brady started this special season by becoming a father for the first time as his ex-girlfriend, actress Bridget Moynahan, gave birth to their son. Brady's now dating former Victoria's Secret model Gisele Bundchen, making them gossip fodder around the world.When the football-hurling heartthrob got back to business, he became a cover story for other reasons.
Brady threw an NFL-record 50 touchdown passes in the regular season, with 23 of those to Randy Moss, who topped Jerry Rice's record. Brady was also the league's Most Valuable Player in helping New England score an NFL-record 589 points.
"They played great all year," Belichick said. "I'm very lucky to coach this team."
Wisconsin News
Snowmobiler struck by SUV and dragged 60 feet
BRADLEY, Wis. - An Illinois man is in good condition this morning after his snowmobile was struck by a sport utility vehicle in Lincoln County over the weekend.
Deputies say 24-year-old Grant Sharp was driving the second of 3 snowmobiles yesterday afternoon. The first driver stopped for a stop sign but Sharp apparently didn't see in time.
Authorities say he braked hard, causing his snowmobile to slide up a bank and in front of an SUV slowing for the stop sign. Deputies say he was thrown under the SUV and dragged about 60 feet. He remained pinned under the vehicle for about five minutes until he was freed.
Sharp was taken to a hospital with injuries described as non-life-threatening. The SUV driver wasn't hurt. The sheriff's department says Sharp will be cited for operating too fast for conditions.
At least one dead after frigid cold in Wisconsin
DUMMOND, Wis. - At least one person has died from the frigid temperatures that blanketed the state this weekend.
Bayfield County Sheriff Bob Follis says a Drummond resident found the body of 44-year-old Cathleen Traczyk Saturday morning in his yard. The sheriff says the woman left a local bar early Saturday, went to a friend's house and around four am tried to drive home but got stuck. She then apparently tried to walk home, but got hypothermic and died.
In southeastern Wisconsin, Cudahy Police Detective Dala Milosavljevic says a 50-year-old woman was found Saturday morning laying in front of her Cudahy home.
He says police don't suspect foul play. He couldn't comment on whether he thought weather played a role in her death, although a witness thought she had been there for some time.
An autopsy was scheduled for tomorrow to determine how she died.
Green Bay Packers police report: 13 arrested, 11 ejected
Thirteen people were arrested at Sunday night's NFC championship game between the Green Bay Packers and the New York Giants at Lambeau Field, Green Bay police Cmdr. Lisa Sterr reported after the game. In addition, 11 people were ejected from the stadium.
No information was made available on the nature of the arrests.
Breakdowns from previous home games this season:
Jan. 12 vs. Seattle (NFC divisional playoff): four arrested, 22 ejected.
Dec. 30 vs. Detroit: five arrested, 16 ejected.
Dec. 9 vs. Oakland: three arrested, 16 ejected.
Nov. 18 vs. Carolina: six arrested, 12 ejected.
Nov. 11 vs. Minnesota: five arrested, 14 ejected.
Oct. 14 vs. Washington: eight arrested, six ejected.
Oct. 7 vs. Chicago: 13 arrested, 46 ejected. ☜
Sept. 23 vs. San Diego: two arrested, nine ejected.
Sept. 9 vs. Philadelphia: two arrested, nine ejected.
Aug. 23 vs. Jacksonville (preseason): five arrested, 12 ejected.
Aug. 18 vs. Seattle (preseason): five arrested, 13 ejected.
News
Sutherland out of jail after 48 days
LOS ANGELES - Kiefer Sutherland was released from jail early Monday after serving 48 days on a drunken driving charge, police said.The actor was ushered out a back door and into a waiting car at 12:05 a.m. to avoid the media near the Glendale jail's main entrance, Officer John Balian said. "It was a joint decision between him and our police department personnel that it would be better if he exited through the back," Balian said. Sutherland spent most of his jail sentence by himself, interacting with fellow prisoners only when he was on the way to the laundry room where he worked cleaning sheets, pillowcases and blankets, Balian said.
The star of Fox television's "24" also had a cell to himself and ate alone, he said. Officials rejected several requests from strangers who asked to visit Sutherland during his sentence.
"A lot of people came in to see him off the street: nutritionists, psychics, just random people who thought they could walk up and see him," Balian said. "That just wasn't going to happen."
Prisoners are only allowed to receive visitors already named on a list, he said.
Sutherland pleaded no contest in October to driving with a blood-alcohol level above the legal limit of 0.08 percent. He was sentenced to 30 days, as well as 18 days for violating probation stemming from a 2004 drunken-driving arrest.
Sutherland must also serve five years probation and complete an 18-month alcohol education program and attend weekly therapy sessions for six months.
Balian called Sutherland a model prisoner who has paid his dues.
Fire burns 16 buildings in Mass.; 1 hurt
LAWRENCE, Mass. - A huge blaze started in an empty downtown nightclub early Monday and spread quickly through 16 buildings, destroying homes and businesses and forcing residents to flee in their pajamas into the bitter night. One person suffered minor injuries.
An ambulance crew on an unrelated call spotted the fire about 2:30 a.m., state Fire Marshal Stephen Coan said. The fire started in a nightclub that was being renovated and spread quickly on a stiff wind through the block that included early 1900s wood-framed buildings. Three of the buildings were being rehabilitated by Habitat for Humanity. The club had no walls, and that "gave the fire an opportunity to take hold very quickly," Coan said.
Fire officials in Lawrence, about 30 miles north of Boston, said the cause was suspicious. Coan said state and city fire officials were investigating with agents from the federal Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives.
Nightclub owner Geraldo Torres said the last time he was in his building was Saturday evening. He said he had no idea how the fire started because he turned off the power whenever he left.
"There's no way the fire can start there," he told the Eagle Tribune of Lawrence.
Torres, 45, of Methuen, said he had no insurance. "We lost everything," he said
Some people were clad only in pajamas as they ran outside, with wind chills below zero. Water sprayed by firefighters froze, covering buildings and streets with ice.
About 150 people were evacuated from the area and 54 were at the shelter Monday afternoon, police Lt. Scott McNamara said.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Sunday Funny's






PACKER PRAYER
Our Farve, who art in Lambeau, hallowed be thine arm.
The bowl will come, it will be won, in Arizona , as it is in Lambeau.
Give us this Sunday, our weekly win, and give us many touchdown passes,
Lead us not into fustration, but deliver us to the Superbowl.
For thine is the MVP, the best of the NFC, and glory of the Cheesehead.
Now and forever.
A Texans Opinion
T. B. Bechtel, a part-time City Councilman from
Red is positive
Black is negative
Make sure his balls are wet."
A woman takes a lover home during the day while
her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly,
sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman's husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing
that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice"
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My Dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the
boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time,
asks the boy, How much?"
Boy: "$750"
Man: "Sold."
A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, "Grab
your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The Dad asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy: "$1,000"
The Dad says, "That's terrible to over charge your
friends like that...that is way more than those two
things cost. I'm taking you to church, to confession."
They go to the church and the Dad makes the little
boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again;
you're in my closet now."
Smart Mom
A mother was walking with her four year old daughter one day when the daughter picked up something off the ground and started to put it into her mouth. The mother stopped her and said she shouldn't do that.
"Why," asked the little girl.
"Because it’s dirty. It's been on the ground. You don't know where it's been. It probably has germs."
The little girl looked up at her mom with admiration and asked, "How do you know so much?"
Thinking quickly, the mother said, "All moms know so much. We have to. It's on the Mommy Test. If you don't know it, you don't get to be a mommy."
The little girl pondered this for a few minutes, then her face brightened. "I get it!" she said. "If you don't pass the test, you get to be a daddy!"
"Yup," said the mom.
Pizza Pie
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go.
He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6.
He thought about it for some time before responding.
"Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."
What Would Dear Abby Say?
Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?
Dear Abby, My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.
Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.
Dear Abby, Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't and he did it.
Dear Abby, My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through her mental pause.
Dear Abby, You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex years ago and he is a doctor.
New Drugs on the Market
St. Mom's Wort - Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
Empty Nestrogen - Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait til they moved out.
Flipitor - Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
Antiboyotics - When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.
Buyagra - Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
Extra Strength Buy-one-all - When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a really bad club music CD or a book by that awful television doctor.
Jack Asspirin - Relieves the headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
Anti-talksident - A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
Ragamet - When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
Murphey's Laws Of Computing
1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.
3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.
5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
6. To err is human . . . to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural.
7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
8. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.
9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked perfectly.
10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
Computer Airliner
At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer. "If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software how many of you would disembark immediately?"
Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard.
With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.
Sherlock
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" Holmes questioned.
Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent."
CD Player
While shopping for my first CD player, I was able to decipher most of the technicalese on the promotional signs. One designation had me puzzled, though, so I called over a salesperson and asked, "What does 'hybrid pulse D/A converter' mean?"
"That means", he said, "that this machine will read the digital information that is encoded on CDs and convert it into an audio signal - that is, into music." "In other words this CD player plays CDs." "Exactly."
Friday, January 18, 2008
Weekend Funny's



Junk Food
My wife and I don't have a lot of "junk food" in the house. Upon eating a snack of some munchies or other my Grandson asked what vitamins they had in them.
I told him I doubted there were any at all.
He replied wide-eyed, "You mean these are just for fun ?"
For The Shape It's In...
A kindergarten teacher asked, "What is the shape of the earth ?"
One little girl spoke up: "According to my Daddy -- terrible!"
Mason vs. Dixie
A University of Georgia student was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, "Where does you go to school?"
The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, but did answer his question. "Yale," she replied.
The Georgia student took a big, deep breath and shouted, "WHERE DOES YOU GO TO SCHOOL?"
Chocolate Weight Loss
With more than twelve billion catalogs being mailed annually, it's little wonder that marketers are distributing mailing lists anywhere possible.
In one particularly cruel move, the proprietors of a chocolate catalog purchased the mailing list of a weight-loss organization.
Chocolate sales rose almost immediately, but the weight-loss group wised up and now keeps it clients' names to itself.
Excellent Grades
When Suzy got home, she told her dad that she got a 100 in school.
Her dad told her to sit down and tell him all about it.
She said, "Well, I got a 20 in math, a 30 in science, and a 50 in spelling!
Pot Talking to the Kettle
Trying to come to the aid of his Father, who was stopped by an officer for speeding, the lil' tyke piped up, "Yeah? Well, if we were speeding, so were you !" ...
What it Means, "Really"
"It's really a good movie," REALLY MEANS, "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and good looking women."
"You know how bad my memory is," REALLY MEANS, "I remember the words to the theme song of "F Troop", the address of the first girl I kissed, the Vehicle Identification Number of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself. It's no big deal," REALLY MEANS, "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
"I do help around the house," REALLY MEANS, "I once threw a dirty towel near the laundry basket."
"What did I do this time?" REALLY MEANS, "What did you catch me doing?"
"She's one of the rabid feminists," REALLY MEANS, "She refused to make my coffee."
"I heard you," REALLY MEANS, "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
"You really look terrific in that outfit," REALLY MEANS, "Please don't try on another outfit. I'm starving."
"I missed you," REALLY MEANS, "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are," REALLY MEANS, "No one will ever see us alive again."
"We share the housework," REALLY MEANS, "I make the messes. She cleans them up."
"I don't need to read the instructions," REALLY MEANS, "I am perfectly capable of messing it up without printed help."
Gifted Artist
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
A New Record
A woman meant to call a record store, but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. "Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme?'" she asked.
"Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children."
"Is that a record?" she inquired, puzzled in her turn.
"I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get."
Strong Cops
How do you know policemen are strong?
Because they can hold up traffic.
Overheard on Dear Abby
Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby, What can I do about all the sex, nudity, language and violence on my VCR?
Dear Abby, I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.
Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
Dear Abby, I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
The Modern Toolbox
Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.
Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver.
Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.
Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.
Multi-Pliers - Contains a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels.
Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.
Halogen Light - A worklight that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway.
Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.
Cordless Telephone - The handyman's 911.
Air Compressor - A mechanical device similar in principal to harnessing the power of your mother-in-laws nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house.
Chainsaw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself.
Vise Grips - A pair of helping hands that doesn't critique the job you're doing or offer advice.
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About Me
- Dennis
- I'm a 38 year old Desert Storm Veteran and paralyzed,I live in a Veterans Retirement home in King WI so a lot of my time is spent on the computer writing blogs and learning new things on it. I also enjoy collecting new and old American and Canadian coins. Thanks for looking at my Blog I hope you enjoyed it..




